Trial and Tribulation

Well it is early and the sun has not come up over the field. I have been up since 4 with my faithful early morning companion, Copa our new golden retriever puppy. I could not sleep, today is the trial day for Bryce. Despite the fact that I am emotionally prepared for what I am sure will be a continuance, I just wish it was over. In my previous post I indicated that there was a legal quagmire and sure enough there is. Well at least I caught it before trial....but why did I have to. It is funny, the reason that I have both of my boys is that there is a significant risk to them from birth parents...So the department gave them to me to protect. Now while I am able to do that, it does not negate the fact that they do as well. It will be a day of wondering what is going on and wishing I could slip into the court room with my bar card and not be noticed. That is dreaming as the reality is that I would not be able to not scream "Objection". Hell, I can not even watch law and order with out getting all fired up and thinking about what I would do. At this point, I have no standing and no legal rights, I think that is the hard part. While I accept that on an intellectual level, the parent in me feels a bit helpless.

Speaking of helpless, Ben began kindergarten. We have still not made it on the bus. Hopefully today will be better as yesterday he did the 500 yard dash and made it home to hide under the bushes. It made me cry. I know some if it is his fear from when he was a baby, for as soon as he could walk he was sent with a 5 year old to a state funded daycare with no coat and went by bus. It is difficult when dealing with children of trauma and helping them move through their past which can often leave you breathless as you assist them in facing the past and moving on. I guess we all forget how hard it is to grow up. So I enter today with hope Ben gets on the bus, that trial moves forward and that my kids are alright. Now off to the shower.