A mid summer’s night dream

Well we are fast approaching the middle for July and it is almost as if I can see the summer slipping by. The field behind the house was hayed yesterday. The process began in the early morning with the hay being cut, laid to dry in the sun, was tetted and then raked and baled by sundown. It is just before sun up the following morning and a gentle rain is falling on the field and I can now clearly see where the corn has been planted for silage for the fall.

Since the last entry, we enjoyed Ben’s birthday party as 20 kids came here and planted for his garden party…..I can say that not much came up but in the way of fun they had a ball and learned a bit about planting and where food comes from. I look at the garden space and see the haphazard manner in which it was planted and smile at the memory of the kids digging finding dirt and works and artifacts like keys and old nails from what was once here before.

I was actually called for jury duty and worse yet, had to sit on a 7 day jury trial. It was like watching my professional life played out before me, so I suppose there was some lesson in that. However, as a result of that, I had to hurry to prepare the house in Maine for rental and in building a deck by myself, I hurt my back in a way I did not think possible. The acupuncturist has helped above all and despite being a bit in pain I can at least walk and stand. Symbolically, he tells me it is an injury about being unsupported or the feelings associated with that.

I am not sure I feel that way, I suppose there is a truth in it as I struggle along the road of single parenthood with two growing boys. However, I do feel the ache of my soul subsiding as it pertains to the desire to share all of this life with another. I dropped off websites and have all but stopped dating as I am not sure there is a person who is out there and until that time when he arrives on the scene.

I have discovered that dating divorced men is no easier. For the most part they are weekend fathers and then weekend warriors. As much as I need a break from my role as Dad, I would not relinquish it. So while I have stopped actively searching I carry on with the 2 b’s as they have been come to be known as.

We were on vacation up in Maine and my house becomes the center of the neighborhood when we are there and the boys engage with all their summer friends. It is what I always wanted for my kids and I love it. I do not think there was a meal in a week where there was not at least 2 extra faces at the table. On one rainy day the kids were playing and I heard one little girl ask Ben where his mom was. Ben without missing a beat said he had a mom that could not take care of him and the angels brought him to dad. He continued and said someday he might have another dad but daddy had not met the right person yet. It was good to hear and an affirmation to me that he understood, the best part was that the little girl said “cool” and they continued to play. Kids are not born mean they are taught to be mean.

The boys are good, all boy…growing…eating and are brothers, one minute they fight like hell and the next they are laughing at one another. We are struggling with the last bit of control over potty training and diapers are almost gone. Sadly, naptime is becoming a thing of the past but Bryce will actually go and take a nap if he is tired. Now that I can see the corn in the field I know that summer will continue and soon we will be in fall. I am hoping to remodel the beach-house this fall as it needs some updating and I want to create a little more Zen and a little less cottage.

The family struggles on with my mother’s health and she is destined for a quadruple bypass on Monday but she is in a place of peach this time with it. I am not sure how that bodes, but at least I can say with an open heart the boys are prepared and I am ready to let go if the time comes. Between that and the drama surrounding the children of Michael Jackson, I managed to update my will and the trust for the kids. A piece of free legal advice if you have children and have not done that DO IT, don’t leave your kids future hanging without direction and absent you. If you are unsure ask me and I will help you find someone to assist you, it is really a necessity. Oh well, enough of that. To each of you, remember perseverance, faith and love will get you through…and a margarita once in a while can not hurt!