Breaking down the stereotype: Gay and lesbian parents raise children who grow up to be gay or lesbian

A friend asked me to write a blog addressing an all-to-familiar stereotype that children of gay and lesbian parents grow up to be gay or lesbian. When I look at my myriad of friends, specifically those who are gay or lesbian – and there have been many in my 40 years – I have never met any who were raised by gay or lesbian parents. I am not suggesting that they do not exist; they just do not exist in my world. On the other hand, I have met a few heterosexual friends who had one or two gay and/or lesbian parents. Yet, when I look at all of the gay and lesbian people I have met, I see one stark contrast to the stereotype. Heterosexual parents raised them all. Rhetorically, I asked myself, if this is the case, why does this stereotype exist? After all, the American Psychological Association’s website lists the medical professional associations that have “come out” in support of gay and lesbian parenting. (http://www.apa.org/pi/lgbc/publications/lgpprofessional.html)
These associations include:

- American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
- American Academy of Family Physicians
- American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers
- American Academy of Pediatrics
- American Anthropological Association
- American Bar Association
- American Medical Association
- American Psychiatric Association
- American Psychoanalytic Association
- American Psychological Association
- Child Welfare League of America
- National Association of Social Workers
- North American Council on Adoptable Children

To better answer this question, I searched the Internet and found a 2001 review of Judith Stacey and Timothy Biblarz’s study examining gender roles of children with gay parents. (http://www.usc.edu/uscnews/stories/6908.html) The authors contend that children of gay parents grow up to exhibit non-traditional gender roles. As an aside, I found other websites that took this language to mean that the children grew up gay. If you read the article, you will find that this could not be further from the truth. What the authors are saying is, "We found that despite the ‘no differences’ mantra, many studies do report evidence of some intriguing differences, and even of some potential advantages of lesbian parenthood…" Here are some of those non-traditional gender-role differences.

- Teenage boys raised by lesbians are more sexually restrained, less aggressive and more nurturing then boys raised in heterosexual families.

- Adolescent and young adult girls raised by lesbian mothers appear to be more sexually adventurous and less chaste. Sons of lesbians display the opposite – boys are choosier in their relationships and tend to have sex at a later age than boys raised by heterosexuals.

My editorial comment: being “more sexually adventurous and less chaste” does NOT equate to being promiscuous. One can be sexually adventurous and less chaste with their lifelong partner.

- It is more common for both lesbian moms to be employed, to earn similar incomes and to cut back on their hours of paid work in order to nurture young children. Some research indicates that egalitarian parenting contributes to child well-being, Stacey said.

- Same-sex couples proved better at managing disagreements and anger than did comparable heterosexual married couples. Research suggests that parental conflict may be one of the most significant sources of difficulty for children, Stacey said.

- "Studying how the numbers, genders and sexualities of parents interact to influence children could give us valuable information relevant to central questions in family theory," said Biblarz. "Researchers have been reluctant to investigate differences among children for fear that such evidence will be used to discriminate against gay families."

Stacey and Biblarz’s article provides just one scientific conclusion. There are many. You can search article after article to develop your own conclusion. On the other hand, you can do as some, and find one that best suits your opinion. In my humble opinion, there is no right answer. I want my children to grow up to happy, well-adjusted members of society. I really do not care whether they turn out to be homosexual or heterosexual.

Note: I write for Adoption Under One Roof (www.ouradopt.com). I posted this blog on March 2, 2009.
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