Life after 8 - one mom's thoughts on family

It in now February and most people have moved on to other things since the passage of Prop 8 in November 2008. I wish I could do just that.

I want so badly to yell, scream, and kick those people that voted against my beautiful family. I want to look each of them in the eye and ask them "how could you do this to me, to us?" I spent the better part of the day November 3rd and 4th driving around town ripping down YES signs that were put up overnight in public parks, right-of-ways and along the freeway. I couldn't help thinking how ironic it was that the Mormon Church stood behind the rhetoric of morality to push through this proposition yet resorted to underhanded, mean and illegal activities like this. I thought taking a knife through those signs would diminish the anger I felt at this whole process. I sure did feel good, but it did not wipe away all the anger I felt.

Since November I have taken my family to rallies, signed protest papers, joined a coalition to revoke prop 8, and prayed A LOT. The bottom line is that I can not understand the thinking behind the YES folks.

My family is composed of myself, my eight year old daughter, and my lovely wife. I share custody of my daughter with my ex-husband, so we truly are a traditional blended family.
But on top of all of the stresses of that we have to deal with the heart ache that comes along with being told our relationship is immoral, or "just not right".

The funny thing is that when I was married to a man I was just not right. I felt pushed into a box that was too small with pokey corners. I didn't want to be known by his name, but I didn't think I should keep my own when I had a baby to think about. I didn't want to be a mom or a wife. I didn't relate to the other moms in my mommy group who were all sooooo happy with their new bundle of joy. Yuck! It just wasn't me!

It took a major health scare, my husband's lousy response, and almost losing my life to wake me up to a better way of life. Now I am living the life that I want, I am happy and fulfilled and, miraculously, my attitudes toward my role in my marriage and my daughters life changed dramatically. My daughter, Lili, and I spent the summer learning to be domestic goddesses. We sewed, cooked, cleaned, learned how to make the beds and do laundry. It was a wonderful lesson for her, but even more eye opening for me. I actually enjoyed being a house wife. Instead of feeling boxed in and oppressed i embraced the challenge. I loved the flexibility of doing what I wanted. I felt proud to have dinner on the table for my wife when she walked in the door.

I decided last week at church that my goal would be to speak my truth as often as possible. I have my favorite scripture tattooed on my arm- 1 John 4:8-God is love. My purpose here on earth is to love my family and be the best person that I can be. Each of us was created in the image of God and has the potential of spreading that love throughout each person we touch. So, even though I can not understand the YES people I know that my job is not to judge them but love them and show them the possibility present in being a happy gay family. We are perfect the way we are. And YES, she is still my wife. Prop 8 or no.