WAY OUT PARENTING: WHAT IS A “PUSH PRESENT” AND ARE THEY PART OF GAY CULTURE? WHO GIVES THEM, AND WHO RECEIVES THEM?

Submitted by Way Out Parent on Sun, 01/18/2009 - 10:00pm

Traditionally, the push present is a gift new fathers bestow upon the woman who has successfully completed the delivery of “his” child. Technically this refers to vaginal births although push presents are also rewarded to women who have endured caesarean sections.

Today, push presents can go to anyone with the pain tolerance and fortitude to knock out a baby – whether they’re straight or gay. Gay men should definitely get something nice for their surrogate. But whether or not the partner of a lesbian should expect one depends on the couple’s complex relationship dynamics. Review the chart below to see if you need to go shopping or start dropping hints about what you expect when the big day comes.

Push Presents on the Lesbian Parents Continuum

Category	Relationship Dynamic	Suggested Push Present
Lesbians who can’t face the pain of having the baby themselves	These lesbians want the joy of a family without the physical pain. They have to pay.	Something extravagant based on their income level.
Lesbians too old to have the baby themselves	This is your last chance in life to experience this wonderful event, so you better deliver when she delivers.	Put everything in your partner and unborn child’s name. Show them you care.
Lesbians who fought over who would have the baby and lost.	Lesbians in this category need to prove they don’t hold a bitter grudge against the birth mother. A push present says, “I accept your gift of a child, and I am ready to love this child as my own.”	You may think twice about having a child after you’ve seen what your partner has just gone through. Cough it up big time. A trip to Europe or the Caribbean. Make it special.
Lesbians Who Rejects All Gender Stereotypes	It’s all about equity in everything from finances to household duties to the bedroom. A push present would only disrupt the delicate equilibrium. They already know they’ll share equally in all post-push child care duties and expenses.	None.