Giving Thanks....I made it thus far

It has been a wild ride since I last wrote anything substantive.  The boys are upstairs watching a movie and I am in the living room trying to think all of what is running through my mind as I am cooking a turkey.  We were at my parents for Thanksgiving but I cannot live without leftovers and soup and Turkey pot pies so the boys and I are having our own dinner today.So, we finalized Bryce’s adoption in May and that was all said and done.  I launched into the summer with 2 kids and new central air conditioning.  Well the installers screwed up the installation and as a result that unbeknownst to us there was Mold growing and proliferating through the house. 

We were all pretty sick through May, June but we had no idea why.My mother’s health continued to deteriorate and still does to present.  The kids lost their Nano (another grandfather from my “Chosen” family and were hit pretty hard with that.  All I have been able to do id navigate water with them that is uncharted.  However, the preparation was worth it and they are doing ok with it and appear to be doing ok with my mother’s continued state of decline.  This holiday led her to the ICU and her checking out against medical orders to be with the kids.  It is her life and she needs to choose to live it how she sees fit and all I can do is be a support to her and transition my kids through it.The mold situation continued to escalate and when we returned home from our July vacation we closed up the house and switched on the central air.  Little did we know that we were living in a toxic environment cause by the negligence of others. 

We all became ill.  Ben with terrible persistent nose bleeds Bryce and I with upper respiratory issues accompanied by rashes, conjunctivitis and breathing issues.  It was not until the 28th of July that I discovered the mold.After consultation with specialists and others, I packed up the kids and left my home not knowing if I would or when we would return.  We left first for Wisconsin for a family fishing holiday.  It was spectacular.  We enjoyed the time together and we all healed.  We were all better within hours of leaving the house.  This proved we could not come home.  Upon our return we moved in with the wonderful man I was dating and proceeded to try to normalize life.  It was great for the kids but most assuredly a disaster for our relationship.  I discovered my true parental instinct and was running constantly to keep the boys in their normal routine.  I poured my life savings into this house and sit on the brink of financial disaster but we made it home in October. 

The house not completely ready and torn apart, we lived absent heat and furniture.  However, the boys were happy.  I was just anxious, waiting for the next bomb to drop.  The economic situation did not help with mass layoffs at my company and more to come.  All the while my only focus is and was the kids.  Like a bear I am, ensuring their safety to my own detriment and their happiness is paramount.I discovered that my life is complete with those kids and that you realize what you are made of when you are in hot water (attribution to Eleanor Roosevelt). 

I realized that a home is filled with more than furnishings and other things.  Despite the tears over lost stuffed animals and other things we have returned to a tonic state.  Despite repeated trips to Children’s Hospital in Boston and scary moments like the thought there was a cardiac effect on Bryce as a result of the mold and the creeping doubt about if you are doing the right thing, parental instinct is an amazing thing.  Remarkably, we are all fine, the house is getting somewhat restored and I have learned that even  I do have to throw out all the old (which I basically did) I can begin a new and my kids will be fine as long as I am fine, or at least never let them see you sweat!!!

Ben is now almost half done with first grade and he is a remarkable and loving little boy and I am very proud of him as a person.  I respect my son.  Bryce is growing in leaps and bounds on a dialy basis and his personality has emerged in full force along with all of the things about a three year old that makes me cry for a martini and a night off.  Christmas is fast approaching and so is the new year which I hope is better than this one, but this is the year that I became a dad again so that far outweighs all the tragedy that befell us. 

I also know I can make it through, alone if necessary and the boys and I will be fine.  I would rather not proceed that way but as much as I strive for balance there are times that there is no balance and life is weighted totally to the children and that is the way it is….so someone out there has to understand that what few precious moments we get alone as parents, whoever we share those precious moments with should or has to realize just how special those moments are.