WAY OUT PARENTING: Don’t Listen to Your Parents If They Say Things Like This!

Parents of straight people are constantly pushing their children to have children—whether their children want them or not—while parents of gays have a thousand reasons why their children should abstain from parenting. What do these Parents of Gays say?

Advocates of Intelligent Design argue that god never included gay parents in his master blueprints.

Rabidly evangelical parents warn that if their gay children give birth to children they will single-handedly trigger the Apocalypse.

Darwinists worry that the gay adaptation could threaten the survival of the species.

Neoconservative parents say gays having children distracts from the war on terrorism and the security of Israel.

Fiscal republican fathers tell their gay sons and daughters that their only responsibilities as gay adults is to channel all their disposable income into the retail, travel and entertainment sectors so the U.S. economy can recover as quickly as possible.

Liberal, hippie parents tell their gay children they support their decision in theory but that if their children try to be parents, all the right-wing crazies will enact more anti-gay legislations and they’ll be worse off than before.

Jock fathers argue their gay sons can’t teach fastballs, curves, and sliders, and their grandsons will turn into candidates for Project Runway by the age of ten.

Ultra-feminine mothers think their lesbian daughters will fail miserably at dolls and dress up and their granddaughters will strut around like truck drivers.

WASP parents say, “Can’t you just drink?”

Black parents say, "Can’t you just stay on the down low and get a wife and kids?"

Hispanic parents say, “We should never have left our life of abject poverty in Guatemala.”

Japanese parents don't say anything. They just put the hari kari sword in a prominent place in hopes their children will know what to do.

Underneath their protests, most of these parents just don't want the world to know they have a gay child. Yes, they’re a little ashamed (maybe more than a little)—and rather than come out as a parent of gays, they’d prefer you never come out. But don’t let them sway you. They can vote away your marriage rights—in the short term--but they can’t stop you from having a loving family, and one day all of your children will change the world forever.

© 2008 by Carrie Smith. All rights reserved.