Made the decision to have a child ... where to start?
So, here I sit .... sometimes hard to believe that I've gotten this far.
We've been together for six long years, with many more to come. A long life actually. I couldn't have asked for a better partner than the one I'm blessed to have. Treats me good, takes great care of us (our dogs included), lots of love, and all the many mores.
We've had the discussion of children off and on for years now. It's a huge responsibility to have on your shoulders, but one that is well worth it. There were moments where she was like I don't know, yes, no, I don't know, I do but ... and then it continues in a cycle.
Well -- not long ago, she walks into the living room and says "Babe, can you do research on artificial insemination or invitro?" Needless to say, my response was a huh. Threw my mind out into left field. I was shocked. I hadn't said anything about children in such a long time, because we kept going around and around about it. It's a huge decision to make in a relationship regardless as to if it is a gay/lesbian/or straight scenario.
At last we're here. Today. I find myself posting this online as I have done some research on it. Trying to find some folks that have some more information about it. The decision has been made. We're going to have a child. Within the next 2 years we're going to start trying.
We know a few folks that we would like to ask to be donors, but how do you really ask someone "Hey, want to be my baby's daddy with no strings attached?" I can't see myself saying that. However, I am at a loss as to how to go about doing this. Is this something that we are probably better off by going to a sperm bank and getting the lil swimmers from? Is it best to know someone and ask them to donate? I have no idea. If you go through a sperm bank, do you have to have in-vitro or can you do artificial insemination?
I know the next step in this giant process is to call the insurance company and find out what they do and don't cover. This will give us an idea of what to look at and etc.
We'll see how things go ... definitely will be blogging about this experience!
- 2GrlsWantingABaby's blog
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Insemination
My partner and I have been together for 11 years. We had artificial insemination and now have a beautiful 7 year old. Awesome child!
We thought about a donor but decided that we wanted to be the only parents. We are still glad we made that decision.
It is a big responsibility but worth it! No regrets ever!
You got our support!
sperm bank versus known donor
You can definitely use sperm from a sperm bank for insemination, IVF is not required for most women. I recommend checking out The Sperm Bank of California (www.thespermbankofca.org) they have a lot of information on-line. Also, for good information on thinking about a known donor vs. a sperm bank, I recommend Stephanie Brill's book -- I think it is called The Essential Guide to Lesbian conception, pregnancy and birth" -- available on Amazon. You should also get legal advice if you are considering a known donor.
Good luck!
I have a wonderful child from donor insemination and am so happy I made the decision to become a parent.
well congatulations on your
well congatulations on your decision. it will be a great one. my partner and i have a 2 year old son and we used a known donor and did an at-home insemination. we were successful and have been blessed with a beautiful little boy. personally after the fact now we wish we would have used a sperm bank (which we are now using to conceive our 2nd child) even though the donor has had and will neevr have any involvement in our sons life it still is a little weird that we KNOW his name and his face. despite the fact that we still only refer to him as "our donor" but in our minds we still know. where as now we have just chosen a donor for me to carry a child and we dont know any of that personal stuff. just the fact that he has all the nationalities and personality traits that we admire. so in my opinion i like using somebody totally anonymous versus a known donor. it is a little more expensive thatway but well worth it i feel. but good luck to you and let me know how it goes.
~*Tracy*~
well congatulations on your
well congatulations on your decision. it will be a great one. my partner and i have a 2 year old son and we used a known donor and did an at-home insemination. we were successful and have been blessed with a beautiful little boy. personally after the fact now we wish we would have used a sperm bank (which we are now using to conceive our 2nd child) even though the donor has had and will neevr have any involvement in our sons life it still is a little weird that we KNOW his name and his face. despite the fact that we still only refer to him as "our donor" but in our minds we still know. where as now we have just chosen a donor for me to carry a child and we dont know any of that personal stuff. just the fact that he has all the nationalities and personality traits that we admire. so in my opinion i like using somebody totally anonymous versus a known donor. it is a little more expensive thatway but well worth it i feel. but good luck to you and let me know how it goes.
~*Tracy*~
Known vs Anon Donors
The best compromise may be a "knowable" donor. The sperm bank agrees to release the donor's identity (with his prior consent) when the child turns 18. We know a researcher who looked at lesbians who had kids using anonymous or known donors and every couple who used a known donor eventually had a legal or personal problem with him. The sperm banks also do extensive health screenings so it's much safer/healthier to use a sperm bank.
Which Sperm Bank
We used Xytex because you can look at all the guys' extended profiles for one price. They are also one of the only banks w/adult photos. Believe me, you want adult photos.
We use unknown donor from Xytex
We conceived both of our daughters using 2 unknown donors from Xytex. I would suggesting using this route as using a known donor who could potential want rights to his child would scare me too much. We have had great success with IUIs and are planning to try for #3 soon. GL! It is all worth it!
-Sarah
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