Facing losing my kids... Advice? Help?

Submitted by AZDadof5 on Mon, 06/30/2008 - 3:20am.

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My ex-wife just let me know that she's fallen in love and is going to be marrying a man who lives in a different state. I've met him once, and he seems like a good guy. He has kids there that he has shared custody of.

In the next few months, she is going to be marrying this guy and taking my kids with her.

They are moving to a city that I hate and that my business would die in. I can't move there unless I change careers completely.

I don't want to stand in thew way of her happiness, but at the same time I don't want to lose my kids, and it would be just as wrong asking him to leave his kids to move here! DAMN! This is so hard. Someone is going to lose... and based on their religious convictions and their view of my lifestyle, I have a feeling it will be me!

My kids and I are are all very close and up until now, their mother and I have made sure to have very little conflict and have parented together very well.

I'm feeling lost, alone, scared, and I'm freaking out! If anyone has any advice or suggestions, I'd love to hear it!

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Wow that is hard - hang in there!

Submitted by juju1030 on Mon, 06/30/2008 - 2:14pm.

I wish I had some magic advice for you, but it sounds like you have thought this through pretty well. Unfortunately I know from personal experience how difficult fighting something like this out in court can be on everyone...especially the kids. How far away is she moving? Would it be possible for you to fly there occasionally for extra visits besides what you should already be getting (most if not all of the kids summer vacation time, and alternating major holidays) with living in different states? Not sure if your job allows for this time away either, but just a suggestion...

I am really sorry to hear about your situation

Submitted by mikeandmichael on Mon, 06/30/2008 - 6:20pm.

Unfortunately, I have neither words of wisdom, nor experience from which I can speak. Knowing how much we are in love with our son, I can only imagine what you must be feeling.

It sounds like your ex-wife is compassionate, and understands the importance of having you in your kids' life. Perhaps, you will be able to work out some compromise.

I wish you the best of luck!

Stand up for yourself

Submitted by cincygrrl1979 on Sun, 07/06/2008 - 3:10pm.

Sometimes there isnt a right answer or an easy way but as long as you stand up for your rights and interest in this situation your doing the right thing. Divorce is hard on everyone. Its a tough situation and the best interest of the children will be the focal point Im sure, but there is no gain in being a marter. Being a new mom I cant even imagine what your going thru.Being a child of divorce and losing my dad, I cried all the time for him and still do sometimes. Your obligation in the situation is to make it easier on the kids - but that doesnt always mean stepping back and out of the way.