A divorced Arkansas dad tells his side of the story

I am a single, gay father of two boys who live with their mother. She wanted custody and I didn’t really know how I would gain custody living in Arkansas. I figured since I was living amongst the religious, conservative right that my chances were slim. We have been divorced for around five years and ever since then things have been very hectic for us all.

The people involved in this family dispute are me, my ex-wife of 5 ½ years, our two children, her mother and my mother. I know you’re already wondering why they are involved. Here’s why. Currently we are both living back at home due to financial difficulties. She lives with her parents and I live with mine. The children live with her as I stated previously.

My mother is not in very good physical or mental condition. She has diabetes, high blood pressure, fibromialga and a few other medical conditions. She also shows symptoms of bipolar disorder although she has never been diagnosed. Living with her alone is enough of a challenge.

Since she has these conditions, it makes it very difficult for me to keep up my end of the court order which is to see the kids every other weekend, alternating holidays, birthdays, etc. When she feels bad she can’t really be around a lot of people (children or adults).

My ex-wife thinks my mom is putting on a show even though she’s not, but I don’t know how to explain to her (again) that she is legitimately sick.

With this said, my ex-wife also seems to play the kids against me and my mom. She will have the kids call over here to see if they can stay over and when my mom says no, they are disappointed which is understandable. I can’t prove that she’s telling them to call, but it seems that way to me.

If I call her to see if the kids can come over on days that my mom feels better, she always seems to have plans. I have even called in advance to make sure she doesn’t have something going on, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference.

I know you're already wondering if I can go see the kids on my own. Yes, I probably could if only I had a vehicle to do so. I would love nothing more than to see my kids regularly, but I can't.

To add to the mix, I am currently unemployed and I don’t own a vehicle (as I just mentioned). I had a major financial crisis that I am trying to recover from. This just makes things that much more difficult to handle.

Her mom seems to be controlling things on her end as well. I think that if my ex-wife were to get away from her mother, that things might be a little better for us all. Of course if I could get away from my mother as well, we would all be a lot happier.

To continue, I am considering moving to another state about 1500 miles away. One of the reasons I am moving is because I need to be in a larger city to have ample job opportunities. I am currently residing in a small, rural farm town of about 8,700 people.

I like my hometown, but there isn’t anything for me to do around here—not even on a part-time basis. Is it selfish of me to move away? Of course this isn’t the first time I have moved off. What do I tell my children? What do I tell my ex-wife?

I love my children and I want the best thing for them. My mother seems to think that taking my ex-wife to court and fighting for custody is the best thing for them. I disagree. They have a stable home from what I can tell. Their mom is gainfully employed and owns a vehicle. She is two steps ahead of me at this point.

Even though I don’t agree with her mother a lot of the time, and I don’t necessarily agree that they should be living with her, at least she is there for her and our children.

I know it’s possible to be a parent from a distance and I’m okay with that, but is that good for our children? They are ages 8 and 6. She also has a daughter from a previous relationship who is 11.

I commend her for taking care of those children. I would love nothing more than to have my own place right here in my hometown where they could come over anytime they wanted. Unfortunately, that’s not going to happen anytime soon.

Anyway, thanks for reading all of this. I just hope to get some positive feedback. I am at my wits end and don’t know what to do.