Letting go of the old you

I was just feeling an overwhelming sense of loss recently regarding the journey I have taken from professional, lesbian chic, totally connected to the community and very involved in all GLBT issues...to now being a parent who can barely get out the door without forgetting to refill the wipes container in the diaper bag because we had major blow outs the day before and I noticed it was getting low.

The other day, I was cruising down Ocean Blvd. watching all of the 20 somethings, with their faux-hawks, rocker t's, & hot girlfriends in hand, as they paraded down to the LB Pride Festival. Here I was cruising in my Caddie SRX (you know, the cross over, it's not really a mini-van or a "grocery getter" (what we kindly call those big ole station wagons from the 70's) and it's not quite an SUV.) So, as I watch all of the proud gay and lesbian folk strut their stuff, I think "That used to be us." We used to be hot, we used to be there...wherever the scene was, whatever was going on, we would show up late, make an appearance and bring down the house. As I rolled my window down to at least feel the cool ocean breeze, I realized as a few couples stared my way that the "wheels on the bus" song was a bit loud and because of the tinted windows, they couldn't tell that I had twin toddlers in the back saying "bus - again, bus - again" And even worse, with my hair pulled back in a headband, sitting here singing along waiting for the light to turn green, I even looked straight. They don't know I'm a really cool lesbian mommy who can't bring my kids to pride because it's nap time and I have to get home so they will "transfer" from the car without waking up causing the entire day to get off schedule! AGGHH, I used to be so cool...and although I am very acclimated into the straight world, and we even go to a play group once a month with other lesbian mommies and babies/toddlers, I still feel disconnected and alienated. I think I feel most disconnected from my former self. I feel so boring at times and to tell you the truth, I miss her! I liked her and she's someone I want my kids to know...How do you reconcile the two? Any thoughts?