Caution in Using a Known Donor

This is utterly untrue in states like Texas. (Texas? Yeah, really, Texas.) The law in Texas states that if a man participates in assisted reproduction for any woman who is not his wife, he has absolutely no parental rights whatsoever. http://www.hrc.org/1769.htm

Check your local laws and draw up a good Donor Agreement (Google the phrase "Known Donor Agreement" to find samples online) and make it clear in writing what your relationship to the donor will be.

Don't be afraid of known donors because of vague boogey-man stories. Get educated, know your rights, safeguard them before you get pregnant, and do what works for you to create the family you want.

There have been problems over access or child support, but these are very very rare. 95%+ of the time, everything works out fine. Of course, then it doesn't make the papers.

It's generally the donor who runs the risk rather than the mother anyway btw. In states which have signed up to the Uniform Parentage Act, there shouldn't be a problem.

That law in Texas is the same as in many states, BUT, in family law the judge does not have to rule with the law if he/she feels it is not in the best interest of the child, so if a biased judge feels a child should have male and female parent figures, then they can set aside the law.

These are not bogey-man stories. There are many cases currently being litigated and several recently ruled on where lesbians have been forced to give custody to men who were known donors, despite signed agreements between them. Check out some recent posts at outwithmommy.wordpress.com. This has happened in California, despite a sperm donor statute in which the law, FC 7613 (b), states, “The donor of semen provided to a licensed physician or surgeon … for use in artificial insemination or in vitro fertilization of a woman other than the donor’s wife is treated by law as if her were not the natural father of a child thereby conceived.”

The best of intentions, i.e., wanting a child to know their biological roots and to meet and perhaps have a relationship akin to an uncle or godfather, with the man who is the donor can end up having terrible consequences for all involved.

If you do use a known donor, you must make it clear they are a sperm donor and have NO rights as a parent, including visitation; and then it is at your discretion if you allow visitation.

I would like to see the source of the statistics mentioned above, because I do not believe they exist. Based on my personal and fairly extensive investigation on the matter, I am not aware of a single situation involving a known donor who became involved in the child's life where there have not been major problems. It is hard enough to raise a child with someone you love. Having a third person trying to assert themselves into your child's upbringing, in general, only makes it harder.

Not only do the success stories not make the paper, neither do the horror stories, because paternity cases and related custody cases are confidential so they are not publicized.