Juno

[quote]Friday, February 22, 2008
Between Ellen Page and Jennifer Garner: Some Kind of Funny Single Parent
.....
In trying to make sense of my emotional response to the film, I realized that my first point of identification had been with Ellen Page's character, the teenage Juno who finds herself unexpectedly pregnant and not sure what to do. Of course, I realize that I actually have far more in common with the Jennifer Garner character, Vanessa, a woman in her thirties who goes to great length and expense to become a parent. Her process was, like mine, quite intentional. As Vanessa ends up unexpectedly single by the end of the film, she becomes a single parent by choice with courage, grace, and determination.

And yet, even as I thought of all the ways in which we were alike, I couldn't help but feel that something was amiss in this comparison. After all, even as she ends up without a husband, Vanessa is the perfect parent-to-be. She owns a beautiful, spotlessly clean home, and a brand new, well-maintained SUV. The nursery is already well-stocked and painted in several complimentary shades of yellow. She has a successful career, a well-paying job, and enough maternity leave and savings to provide safe and loving care for her new child.

I, on the other hand, live in a beautiful but decrepit one-bedroom apartment, and am not sure that I could afford to rent a new one, let alone buy a home. I drive a ten-year-old Nissan Sentra with almost 150,000 miles on it. My baby stash is being accumulated from the hand-me-downs of others, and I live on a graduate student stipend. Now certainly I've got the cultural capital of a lot of high-end education (and hopefully soon, a PhD), but as we all know, cultural capital alone doesn't pay the bills. And so, even as I become a single parent by choice in one of the most intentional processes possible, I'm fully aware of all the ways in which I don't fit the "respectable" single parent mold.

Thus, some part of me still relates to Juno, even as I realize how vastly different our situations are. Though I'm 15 years older than her character, somewhere deep inside I secretly expect to be judged for getting "knocked up" without a partner. Or a job. Or a house in the suburbs. In becoming a parent in this non-traditional way, I have rejected a politics of respectability in favor of a new vision of family. Somedays, I worry about the backlash.

Parenting in this liminal space, with full intention but outside of the mainstream, is a challenge. I almost never see examples of families that look like mine. It also makes me critically aware of the ways in which queer family making, and indeed, queer love in general, is a radical political act. Having the courage, strength, and creativity to re-imagine our families, our communities, and our partnerships requires a particular type of bravery. I like to think that it also, potentially, can impact how others imagine the world, and its possibilities. As I prepare to raise my kid in a type of family that is barely visible, barely recognized, I can only hope that our presence, the tiny bit of space we carve out in the world, will create a little bit more space for someone else with a family that doesn't quite "fit." This is, after all, the radical potential of this queer new world...

Posted by QueerBabyMaking at 10:31 AM 1 comments
Labels: class politics, Juno, respectability, single parenting
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yeah, that!!! I saw Juno too, and although I cannot say that I am afraid about the becoming a single parent part, I am afraid of the bringing a baby into this world when I do not have a "real" out of the house job ( I am a live in aide for my partner, who will carry). I am agoraphobic, bit know how to cope when I have to and how to leave with someone else to distact me. My partner has cerebral palsy and is in a wheelchair. It affects only her ability to walk/stand up and control of her opinionated left hand.
We live in beautiful a three bedroom, low-income appartment, paid for mostly by the good old US government, less about 100 a month that comes out of our SSI payments. We are good with money, keep our bills paid every month, and volunteer in the comunity. But neither of us works out of the house.
We both want children - two - and are ready for it. We have the space for them to be nurtured, have plans and support, and most of all WANT them.
But there is still the stigma that comes with having a child without the white (paid in full) five bed, two bath, picket fence and (hybrid) SUV. Then there's the fact that there are two parents who will both be mom(ma/my)... Are we setting our child up for a hard life by giving them two loving mothers? Will they be beat up and teased because we live in an older conservative town without anyone we know being homosexual??
I mean really, what are we thinking?