ProudParenting.com - second parent adoption - Comments

Modern thinking

gaytheist — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 06:17:34 -0700

I wonder how many Christian parents who claim that the bible is their source for family values have beaten or killed their children for talking back to them like it tells them to. One could also offer their child as a sacrifice and find that justified in the bible. Ancient literature and superstition is a poor basis for family values. We have to teach our children how to live in this society, not the society of ancient nomadic desert tribes.
Gay parents are parents because they want to be. They are not squirting out babies every nine months without thought of how to support them. It is a well thought out decision. The time and effort that is expended ensures that these children are loved and cared for.

Come on People!

Wed, 28 May 2008 20:18:49 -0700

First of all,I believe that all people have the right to choose who they fall in love with. I am a gay man living in Utah and it is hard to live around such closed minded people. As is says above 2,600 kids who are sitting in a foster home with no parents and nobody to care for them. Why would it even matter if 2 homosexuals wanted to adopt them. We are just as capable of being loving parents as heterosexuals. It is amazing to me how you people (youngsplace) have no clue what the world is really like. When these kids turn 18 they are kicked out of foster care and expected to start there life. A good portion of them get into drugs, have low self esteem, and have never felt what a loving family is like. Shame on you! This country needs to change. What is your fear? That the whole world will turn Homosexual? I think it is you that needs to pray for yourself for thinking in such a closed minded way.

my experience

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 18:52:20 -0700

hi! i just happened to stumble upon your question and i talked about this subject in my blog.

check it out here. it's tagged in the ttc section.

best of luck! be blessed!

http://specificdestiny.blogspot.com/

sperm bank vs. known doner

ladymadonna — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 21:55:00 -0700

My partner and I are interested in TTC in the new year. We are in a delima now about wether we should use a close friend and a known doner or a sperm bank. The known doner has expressed interest in becoming parents with my partner for several years and they are very close. I am not sure if this will be in our best ineterest or the baby's for that matter. On one hand we would like our baby to be able to know his/her father, however this seems to imply complications legaly in the future. He has expressed that he would like the baby to cary his last name and to have monthly or anual visitation. I already have 3 children myself and have had alot of drama with custody and visitation so I know how ugly people can be in these situations, so this causes some fear on my part as far as going thru this at all. We live in Nevada which is not a very gay friendly state to begin with so I am not sure what the laws are regarding second parent adoption, or open adoption for that matter...

Does anyone have expierence with this to share?

Your so ignorant it hurts my insides

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 17:42:44 -0700

Why would gay or lesbian couples not be allowed to raise children, thier just as intelligent and loving as a straight couple. Its people like you who hold the world back, who think that what thier parents taught them and what they've "been raised to believe" is automatically true. Also by the way, not all peoples follow the teachings of the bible. Another thing is the science behind it, Many gays are born the way they are, with a different hormone balance then the average person. So to talk about "converting" others to thier belief is just stupid.

Texas - Going Through A Breakup

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 23:41:26 -0800

my partner of 7 years and I are breaking up. I adopted a baby a year ago and was wondering if anyone knew if he could fight me for custody? I heard something about the partner having 90 days to do this? Can anyone help? I'm willing to share our baby with him, but I still want to know what I might be dealing with.

Thanks,

Seth

Reply: Going through the same thing

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:45:15 -0800

Yes you are. I am the adoptive grandmother of the above mentioned child and three years of litigation to keep her has taught me many things. You and Ms. Hobbs willingly gave up your child for adoption. You and Ms. Hobbs decided your partner should be a parent to your child. You and Ms. Hobbs decided the partners parents would be grandparents and have the extended family of the partner. The child was raised loving the parent and grandparents as such. Then because the relationship broke up you want her not only out of your life but the childs too. But you still want child support. The adoption should be overturned but the partner should still pay child support? Yes, both cases are the same. Forget that for all those early years the child loved the adoptive mom, grandma and grandpa and doesn't understand how suddenly they aren't their parent and grandparents. The partners NEW partner's parents are grandparents now. Now that really causes confusion and mental anguish for the chid. Forget the childs pain because they can't bring gifts home from the other side nor can he/she call or email them. The child loves being with the adoptive parent and extended family and feels bad because they have to tell the bio mother they had a terrible time because they have to live with her and that is what she wants to hear. She is torn all the time.
This is not a gay issue at all. It's all about the mother hoping this is the issue to insure she can keep the child away from the other parent. It's a WOMAN issue. Look around you. The vast number of women divorce and do everything they can to keep the father away from the children, turn the kids against him, but demand as much money as they can get from him and the courts generally uphold it. The courts proudly say every ruling is in the "best interest of the child" but they almost always leave the child with the bio. They don't recognize the child learns deception - having to hide their love for the other parent- lying as they know even at a young age the parent is lying about some things concerning the other parent and they have to lie about their own feelings for the other parent. They learn manipulation as they see the bio manipulate everyone to their point of view and move away to prevent the other parent and loved grandparents access. And these mothers say they love their children and just want what is best and that means the child's pain of losing not only a parent they have always known but the extended family too. These children learn rejection at an early stage of their life and grow up always fearing rejection by other people too.
The child should live with the parent that is respectful, considerate of the other parent and lets the child share good experiences they had on visitation. The parent that is happy their child has the parent even if they now hate them themselves. The parent that lets the child share time and celebrations with the family of the other parent. The parent that loved and shared the child with the other parent just as they did when they still lived with them. That parent that truly cares for the mental and social well being of their child so the child grows and develops a loving, free, sharing character that feels loved and secure and protected by both parents and extended family members and therefore forms proper relationships of their own. Those are the things the courts need to examine and not just assume bio mothers have some magical, biological formula the child needs. Luckily we have been blessed to be able to afford our court battle and exercise visitation as scheduled even tho the bio moved out of state. Unfortunately, most can't and that is why the dads and adopted parents eventually have to just lose their child. That is wrong for the child and the parent.
As a correction to the above, that case has gone through all the courts to the TX Supreme Court twice and is still upheld.
Try to forget your complaints of the ex, your anger and resentment. Believe me I know it is very hard to do! Just muster the inner strength to think of the childs feelings and fears. Find a way to share the love of this child. You didn't mind the child loving the other parent when things were good so why not now? Jealousy? Revenge? Figure it out. Parents divorce each other. The child does not want to seperate from either so why should they? And, in closing, I know you think I am mean but I have watched the innocence of childhood taken from my granddaughter and resentment toward her bio, custodial mother grow. She sneaks emails and phone calls, she tells people her bio is "mean". She resents not being able to take gifts home. She is embaressed because she can't send birthday or Christmas gifts. Many, many things that, as she grows, she will resent her bio for. We tell her it is okay and we don't mind and she should just mind her mother and the feelings between her parents have nothing to do with her. All families have fusses now and then. We're all still family and it will blow over. I fear, however, her bio is in for it in a few more years when she is older and stronger and that makes me very sad. But, what can we do? The courts decide biology is more important than a child in a home that honors family unity and close family interaction through good times and bad. A young child seeing parents and relatives exchanged in their lives cannot possibly grow up thinking basic family units are important. The courts and parents say they are interested in the "best interest of the child" yet seperated parents are really only acting on what is in their best interest.
Sorry this rambled but I just had this sent by a friend and only have a few min. to dash a reply. I am not a mean person. I had two sons die without children and my daughter could not have children so this was truly a miracle and we loved and honored the bio for this child. My daughter and our family embraced this child and love her as much as anyone could. Hearing her call us "grandma", "grandpa" never ceased to thrill us. Years later her bio mother says no more? The child, crying, tells me you aren't my grandmother? Then having to go to court fearing losing another child? The child losing beloved grandparents? For what? She found a new partner? She wants to "move on"? Her partner has rights too? How does she know this partner is"forever"? It appears the new partner is the basis for most of the trouble. They resent the ex being in the picture in any way. Thank God the courts have not found reason to overturn the adoption and the childs fears have subsided a bit on that point and she sees her joint custodial parent, my daughter, often and we visit as that is the only time we can see or talk to her. We travel 1200 miles each way to do it 4 times a year so she knows she has two parents and grandparents and always will. The child has to fly 1200 miles from her state to Texas for visitation. Expensive, time consuming and so unnecessary for everyone.

Joshua's future...

Momsinthetub — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 15:25:31 -0800

...is looking pretty bright! Good for you guys!

Excellent!

FamilyMan — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 06:29:50 -0800

Joshua is a lucky guy. My best to the whole family.

Ron

Compliments and good wishes!

Jeff — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 06:29:08 -0800

We're very very happy for you. Your adoption is an achievement in many different ways. Enjoy the new sense of security for your family, and keep us posted.

Jeff, Mark, and Chloe

I'm very happy for you...

MammaMia — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 04:49:56 -0800

Joshua is a very lucky guy. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

~MM~

This is reduculous!! States

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 10:31:56 -0800

This is reduculous!! States like Utah, Flordia and Mississippi would rather keep children in foster care than give them the families that they so desire. Yet, they talk about how many kids there are in foster care and how they need a family. If more states would allow gay couples to adopt we could reduce the number of children wanting families by 50 - 60%. I applaud these guys for wanting and fighting for the right to care for these children

Very well put.The time will

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 01:26:11 -0800

Very well put.The time will come when the partners assume right to teach children not to judge as we are so often.A proven fact,gay couples MUST excell ,just as women

just in middle

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 08:00:40 -0800

how have things turned out. I have the same thing going on. I have a shared house with both of our names on and I have gotten a new house. She is not paying child support and refuses to. what can I do to take away or void the adoptions.

I think that you are right

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 17:33:57 -0800

I think that you are right in every aspect. email me at any time mississppi_rose78@yahoo.com