ProudParenting.com - sperm donor - Comments

Careful

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 01:03:02 -0700

I really think we need to be careful of denigrating the role of the donor to a 5 minute contribution. Without that 5 min many of us would not be able to have the beautiful families we do have. Without knowing the facts is it really about ownership or about wanting involvement in someone that is after all partly your genetic make-up?

That being said people need to be more careful about formally outlining agreements prior to bringing a child into the world - this is a serious life changing matter which people are getting into without enough thought at times.

wow

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 10:58:09 -0700

so many loopholes and gray areas with anything, anymore.

And even more questions -- fewer answers

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 08:33:11 -0700

How about the birth parents of an adopted child, can the adoptive parents go after them?

Many Questions - Few Answers

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 16:32:22 -0700

This is a slippery slope... What about egg donors? Can the woman then go back to the donor and ask for child support? How about if the egg and sperm was donated – could there be potentially four potential parents? Many questions, few answers...

We are DSR Members. Can't say enough good!

justice4all — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 10:30:41 -0700

Our family consists of 2 moms, one donor-conceived boy, now 6. And a bunch of pets!

We joined the Donor Sibling Registry years back. We have now found 19 siblings, scattered around the US from coast to coast. We have received some pictures of siblings, some who look so alike that people confuse pictures of our son with pics of certain siblings.

Wendy and Ryan, who founded this site, have done a terrific job. We have found the registration fee reasonable for what it provides and the amount of work that they put into that and the related discussion group on Yahoo.

We have an adult, donor-conceived friend. She knows her 2 half-sibs. I asked her about her experience with knowing her half-sister and half-brother. She has found it to be quite a gift, and says that if we ALL knew we had brothers and sisters scattered around the globe, she thinks we would have a lot fewer wars. Maybe she is right!

We have met one sib, and had a good visit. There is talk of our sibling group meeting.

The site seems to do a good job with providing security, too.

At the age of 6, our son knows he was born to a donor, he knows about how eggs and sperm work and where they come from. He knows that he has a "donor daddy" out there, and we tell him that we don't know his father, but that he was very generous, and gave away that part of himself that can make a baby, and helped our son come to our family as a result.

Now, that is more than many teach their young children, but as I work with animal reproduction, knowing about where babies come from is also more part of the scenery in our family.

but... He can give really good answers to his friends when they ask, "Why don't you have a daddy?" Our family structure has just become part of the scenery at his school.

I strongly encourage those of you who conceived with donors and surrogates to check out the Donor Sibling Registry. It has been a blessing in our life.

GLBT-friendly

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 18:49:53 -0700

Our experience with the Donor Sibling Registry and Wendy, it's co-founder, has been overwhelmingly positive. We've "matched" with our 4 year old's half-sibs, and met 3 of the families in person. The half-sibs have interesting similarities, and we've grown quite close to one of the families - it's like having cousins. All of our match families have either been lesbian couples or single moms.

Ann

I agree that there would

Momx2 — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:02:00 -0700

I agree that there would have to be written agreement with the mother in order for a donor to exercise any rights. If I were going to be inseminated and my wife and I were planning to raise that child, I would hate to think any man could suddenly claim 'ownership' of any sort for his 5-minute contribution.

Rainbow Flag is a great choice

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 10:52:28 -0700

Dangerous for lesbian families my ass. Everything normally works out fine. Things sometimes go wrong as in heterosexual relationships, but it seems to be a lot rarer for there to be problems with Rainbow Flag donors.

It is *not* possible to get a known donor through *any* other sperm bank. What you can get is an ID-release donor. That means the children don't know who their donor is till he's 18, and even then some sperm banks let the donor change his mind.

- They'll test for the same diseases as any other bank.
- They do *not* take only gay donors.
- Not paying donors is a good thing, not a reason to criticise them.
- The AAP does *not* recommend that parents circumcise boys. In fact, no national medical organisation does.

yikes!

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 08:50:29 -0800

As a lesbian mom, this is so awful to read. It really does make us look bad! When we considered a known donor, we brought up in our first conversation that we'd legally terminate all of his rights and responsibilities. We didn't want him liable for child-rearing or child support, and we didn't want him demanding any custody (or his conservative parents).

We wound up going with an unknown donor through a clinic for these reasons. Our baby has 2 parents who she lives with, and no shananigans among multiple "parents". (I know some enlightened souls can navigate 2-mom-one-donor-daddy or 2-moms-2-dads situations, but I also knew pre-conception that I am not one of those souls!)

Just say NO!!

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 03:38:00 -0800

After this they couldn't pay me enough to danate.
I think after there aren't any more donors the courts
may change the laws and snuff this out.

Yikes

summersmom — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 12:10:52 -0800

This is a good heads-up so that other donors don't fall into these circumstances. Don't donate unless you've got legal representation! Get the paperwork out of the way before you hand over your donation.

Rainbow Flag is a Bad Choice

Sun, 07 Oct 2007 15:24:54 -0700

Please reconsider recommending Rainbow Flag Health Services. They are dangerous for Lesbian families because they encourage the donor to have a relationship with the child. No matter what legal documents both parties sign, this has repeatedly led to court-mandated custody or visitation "in the best interests of the child". It is perfectly easy to get known donors through pretty much every sperm bank. Most banks offer the option of knowable donors (when the child is of age). Also, Rainbow Flag goes against the health recommendations of respected doctors' organizations like the American Academy of Pediatricians by insisting that parents not circumcise their sons. I am suspicious about this organization because it does not test for very many diseases, doesn't pay donors, only takes gay men, sets families up for legal trouble and tries to force parenting decisions on recipients.