ProudParenting.com - Editor's Pick - Comments

Family Week

Green Dads — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 17:15:15 -0700

Green Dads
We're going, just 3 more weeks!!
See you there.

no last name

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 07:27:14 -0700

Funny how she can go on TV and act like such a judgemnetal person, but never have her last name released. Oh, poor baby. Is she afraid the big bad gays will find her and convert her? Maybe she better put in another call to god about this and see what the answer is. Then again, maybe she did and the answer was, "don't release your last name. Stay in the cult."

This is EXCELLENT NEWS...

mikeandmichael — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 14:51:20 -0700

I am utterly surprised that TiVo, a well-known brand, allowed another organization use their company logo without TiVo's supervision. Brand management and brand equity are marketing 101 concepts. To build equity in one's brand, a company MUST manage where/how/why their brand is being used. The logo is a huge part of the TiVo brand.

I am also surprised that TiVo responded so quickly and favorably. Whew...now, I don't feel guilty about using my TiVo!

Great work...

30 Days

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 10:14:57 -0700

I too am very upset that FOX Networks would not take the part out of the show, or at the very least get a statement from our side. Also I was somewhat scared that again, the show seems to lean on the woman's side and did not present an equal balance to the issue. I worry that it may put us back a few years after all the struggle we have made to move forward for equal rights for the homosexual community. Joyce Kipp, President PFLAG Bel Air/Susquehanna, Harford County, Maryland.

Mormon and Ashamed

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 08:16:46 -0700

This was the most disappointing episode yet. I am an active member of the LDS church ( the same church that Kati belongs to) and am completely ashamed of Kati and her ignorant self-righteousness. I would like to believe that the vast majority of members of the LDS Church consider themselves to be Christians, but I see nothing Christian about Kati's attitude and behavior. To cling so closely to one's principles and "moral fiber" and to ignore the experiences and struggles of real, ordinary people who are trying to build a nurturing and supportive family is in complete opposition to the compassion that all Christians should seek to cultivate in their relationships with others. Let us remember that nowhere in the Bible, or any other source that Christians like Katie mention to support their disdain of homosexuality, does it say that one must, in order to be a true Christian, be intolerant of homosexuals or seek to take away their rights. To claim that one's moral convictions gives one the right to seek to limit the rights of other individuals--who want nothing more than to raise happy, healthy children--demonstrates an absence of Christ-like love and understanding and an abundance of the smugness and narcissism that unfortunately characterizes many who consider themselves Christian.

Success Story

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 20:13:25 -0700

Shannon and I celebrated on 9 year anniversary in the hospital one day after our daughter was born!

We always knew that I'd carry...Shannon never wanted to be pregnant. Since I ended up having a c-section, Shannon got to spend our daughter's first minutes right by her side...holding her hand.

Shannon and Riley (our daughter) bonded faster than Riley and I and I breastfed! I think having those first minutes together really set them up. Of course Riley and I bonded but I was the food...the comfort, the Momma. Shannon was the fun...the one who got her out of her crib when she was crying...the Mommy.

Our daughter is 17 months old and she still knows who's who and which Mom is for fun and which mom means it's time to go to bed!

No matter what your worries, when you baby here...it's amazing!

I signed...

mikeandmichael — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 09:58:01 -0700

Too bad I can't cancel my TiVo subscription to make a point...we have a lifetime service!

FOF not posting submissions on Gay Dads!

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 12:22:41 -0700

Family Equality is looking into it, but thus far, Focus on the Family isn't posting the submissions from kids with gay dads (including my sons)!!! I know--Shocking--but hopefully this discriminatory practice will attract some press attention and exposure...

Any progress?

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 15:23:12 -0700

I see it's been over 6 months since the post. I am a gay dad, but I do not have my kids with me as it was difficult having them go between two homes. So, I visit often.

My perspective comes from thoughts I've had, and my experience in marriage. When you are both the natural parents, the kids thrive when mom and dad have a great relationship. If the kids become the focus, the relationship suffers and so do the kids.

In any family, the adults learn to put the needs of the kids first, but also teach the kids that mom and dad's relationship is key to the family staying together. Security for kids is so important.

When a step parent is involved it can be good or bad. The natural parent has a responsibility to the kids. The step parent may not always see this, but can often feel threatened by the kids.

I say that the natural parent must be sensitive to the step parent, and find the balance to put the kids needs first, but still meet the partner's need. The step parent has to learn how to meet the need of the partner, and assist in parenting. A lot of communication and patience is needed on both sides.

For me, I cannot provide any emotional support for my boys when my emotional needs aren't being met, so I couldn't be single and still parent. This may not be true for everyone. Others simply can't deal with having to choose between the needs of their partner and their kids.

For you, you have to decide what you need. And if you need a partner in your life, then you have to figure out how to meet his needs while not compromising those of your kids. Yes, the kids must be your priority, but if you fail to meet his needs, you could lose him. No easy answers, but he is an adult while your kids are not. He can choose to be selfish and leave, you can not. The kids must come first if it ever comes to a choice.

Good luck, and I hope things are working out.

~Wayne

Thank you

blueorbeyes — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 23:38:24 -0700

I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to my post.

To answer your inquiries:
-Yes, my partner and I have discussed children. At first, he was adamantly against having them (to which I was utterly disheartened). However, he has spent quite some time volunteering in my mom's kindergarten class, which has changed his mind. But, I do not know where he currently stands.
-He probably *is* thinking more about getting through college and getting his mind set into a career rather then settling down and having children.

Now, I have told him how strongly I feel about being a dad: ALWAYS wanted to be one. It has been this gut feeling for as long as I can remember. Though, I do not want to put him off in any way by talking about it now. Any suggestions here?

I have considered both surrogacy AND adoption. Like most, I want to have genetic offspring (sorry, that sounds so scientific), to spread my familial characteristics into future generations. If I can only [afford to] do that once, my wish would be satisfied for that. On the other hand, I want at least two children, and I have always considered adoption. There are too many children who are already out there who need good homes and families.

You have a lovely family, and I wish you and your partner the best of luck with adoption in the near future! :)

~Ryan

P.S.: I am an "organizationist"--"perfectionist" is just one step above where I am, haha. I like to plan and prepare for the future. Children are ENORMOUS ventures, requiring ample planning, which is why I am semi-stressing about it now, hence this post and replies.

my opinion

Twodads — Tue, 27 May 2008 22:47:49 -0700

I am only 23 also and have been with my partner since I was 18. and since he was married and had kids from a marriage. we have always had the kids. At first I wasn't too happy because I was being selfish. then I realized that I always wanted a family and that my life revolves around these kids. they are my heart and soul. Now the thing that I have to ask is have you made your feelings about having kids to your partner? Secondly do you think that someone who is only 21 and stiil in college is ready to "settle down" and have kids? Then there is always the option of adoption. As a kid that was adopted I found that there are alot of people who use the adoption aspect as a paycheck. When you foster a child you get monthly checks for support. If you want to adopt a child who wants a family and to be loved then check your states adoption agency. we looked into surrogacy but it was way too expensive. So we are going to adopt in a few years. once our kids are a little older.

Casey and Larry Wagter-Connell

On your way...

wondertwinmama — Tue, 27 May 2008 13:42:51 -0700

Hi there! I'm new to this site and just wanted to share with you both that you are SO not alone on this journey. I am the non-bio mom (this time around) as my partner is a bit older than I, and she wanted to try to carry. I wasn't sure how it would all unfold, but I can tell you now, it's amazing! I always wanted to carry and didn't think I wouldn't...but I may not. It depends on where we are (financially and otherwise) in a few years. We have twins now (boy/girl) and they're going to be 2 in a few weeks. I am SO bonded and close with them, especially my daughter, it's like I birthed her myself. We also chose to go with a "known donor" through Pacific Reproductive Services. These donors are willing to be known when the children reach 18, if they want to, they can contact him. Just thought I'd share the choices that helped us create our beautiful family! Wish you the very best!!

Hi there

eribaudo — Sun, 25 May 2008 16:24:43 -0700

I'm sorry that I haven't signed on in a while and just received your message. How far along in the process are you? We are out in LA right now and only two days past our transfer date. We are sitting with our surrogate in the hotel room right now. We're all going a bit stir crazy and can't help to be distracted by the hopes that we could be expecting.

Good luck to you both. We're in Jersey City and its great to know that there are other couples nearby going through the same thing. Write back and I will check back more often.

Ed (& Brad)

This and that

blueorbeyes — Sat, 24 May 2008 17:13:33 -0700

I agree with you that "stereotypically" speaking, gay men want to settle down (sometimes) AFTER they have finished their partying days. I have always wanted to be a dad; I babysitted younger cousins and siblings when I was younger, and I have been around babies my whole life. This is not new, and the feeling has always been there.

My partner is still in college (undergraduate), trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life, so even talking about children--even for the future--may put him off. I am getting my professional degree (MSW/graduate) and ready to get on with life. So, there is a big difference there.

Surrogacy is another area. I have several potentials: egg donors, surrogates, or both. I would like for us to both use the same egg donor if he wants (genetic) kids so that our children are related. As far as money goes, it is just too darn expensive! From the articles that I have read, the *average* price for surrogacy is around $20,000. Luckily, most of the potentials have their own health insurance and wouldn't require much of me--as minimal as possible. But, it's all the legalities that cause complications. Still, it's expensive.

Thank you for the support and advice!
~Ryan

timing

mommyzrus917 — Fri, 23 May 2008 08:02:30 -0700

i am amazed that you are male and 23 and actually WANT a baby. i know its sounds so stereotypical but i sware every gay man that i know it seems takes forever for them to actually be ready to settle down and even begin to start thinking about a family. so you are of a select few. so it is quite possible that maybe your partner is just not ready to change his lifestyle to adapt to a new baby? as far as the $ is concerned...my heart goes out to you. my partner and i are lucky enough to have medical insurance that covers the majority of the expenses for inseminations. may i ask do you have any one IN MIND whom you owuld like to use as a surrogate? i mean cuz just a thought but maybe somehow you could help her get fully medically covered and then it would cut the costs down to a bare minimum? im just pondering i honestly dont know anybody personally who has gone through this....but if i come across anything i will gladly throw it your way. i wish you the best of luck.
~*Tracy*~