ProudParenting.com - Way Out Parenting: Why do I feel as if I have more in common with straight people than I do with gays? Am I becoming ungay? - Comments

Boy, I can relate!

wondertwinmama — Tue, 27 May 2008 14:35:34 -0700

I was just feeling an overwhelming sense of loss recently about just this issue. I was cruising down Ocean Blvd. watching all of the 20 somethings, with their faux-hawks, rocker t's, & hot girlfriends in hand, as they paraded down to the LB Pride Festival. Here I was cruising in my Caddie SRX (you know, the cross over, it's not really a mini-van or a "grocery getter" (what we kindly call those big ole station wagons from the 70's) and it's not quite an SUV. So, as I watch all of the proud gay and lesbian folk strut their stuff, I think "That used to be us." We used to be hot, we used to be there...wherever the scene was, whatever was going on, we would show up late, make an appearance and bring down the house. As I rolled my window down to at least feel the cool ocean breeze, I realize as a few couples stare my way that the "wheels on the bus" song is a bit loud and because of the tinted windows, they can't tell that I have twin toddlers in the back saying "again, again, again." And even worse, with my hair pulled back in a headband, sitting here singing along waiting for the light to turn green, I even look straight. Now, they think I am the enemy...they don't know I'm a really cool lesbian mommy who can't bring my kids to pride because it's nap time and I have to get home so they will "transfer" from the car without waking up causing the entire day to get off schedule! AGGHH, I used to be so cool...and although I am very acclimated into the straight world, and we even go to a play group once a month with other lesbian mommies and babies/toddlers, I still feel disconnected and alienated. I think I feel most disconnected from my former self. I feel so boring at times and to tell you the truth, I miss her! I liked her and she's someone I want my kids to know...How do you reconcile the two?

Since we became parents

Gaydad — Wed, 07 May 2008 11:58:15 -0700

I used to hang out with the same set of friends, we would play tennis, go have lunch and meet occassionally for dinner. I have not hung out with them for 3 1/2 months. (My adopted son is 4 months and we took him home at two days old). Do do the math.
It is unfortunate but it's true. Just like straight couples that have babies, they end up not hanging out with other couples that do not have children. Just like straigt couples that get married...they tend to hang out with other married couples. Just like gay couples, they tend to hang out with other gay couples.

I don't think it's a gay/straight issue here. I think it's a human issue.

http://mytwodaddies.blogspot.com

Way Out Parenting: Why do I feel as if I have more in common with straight people than I do with gays? Am I becoming ungay?

Way Out Parent — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:54:08 -0700

It’s natural for gay parents to feel discomfort about their assimilation into the straight world. While you existed in your gay ghetto, straight people were the enemy. You despised, envied, feared, and longed to be them. You defended yourself against your deep feelings of inferiority by telling yourself you had no interest in their boring, monochromatic lives. “I am living on the edge,” you told yourself. “I am a minority fighting for survival. I have important life and death issues to think about.” These issues included:

•How to survive the Bush-Cheney years