Hey there!

It sounds like there is a lot going on here for your daughter to absorb. Between the divorce and her Mom coming out, it's a lot for a 10 year old to handle. She's going to be mad and she's going to lash out. I imagine there will be lots of anger too. If she is not accepting your support, then make sure she has support from someone else, a counselor, therapist or coach. She needs to be able to talk it out with someone who is safe.

As the daughter of a lesbian, I can relate to some of the anger. My Mom came out to me when I was eight, but I didn't really understand what it meant until I was in high school...that's when the anger hit me. I wasn't angry at my Mom. I was angry at the situation and at society for not accepting us. I'm not saying that's what your daughters anger is. It was mine.

I hope things have calmed down for the two of you by now and that your daughter has found a supportive place to work through the anger.

One suggestion I have for you...if she starts talking with you about it again, ask her what she's "overwhelmed" about or "angry" about. Listen to her. Don't take anything she says personally, because it's not about YOU...it's about her. Let her vent and say what she needs to say. When she is done, let her know what you heard. If you can relate to anything she said, let her know. If you can understand where she's coming from, let her know. Don't try to convince her that it's okay and that she can accept the situation. Just be there for her to vent and let her know you get it. This will acknowledge how she feels and that you care.

There will come a time when she is ready to hear your side of the story. It may be years, but I'll bet she asks for it when she's ready. She's going to want to understand the relationship between you and her Father. That's a perfect opportunity to continue telling the truth and let her know that you have also come through a lot of struggle to get where you are. I'm not saying to go into your deep, dark struggle. You can just let her know that there were some hard decisions and you handled them the best you knew how. She may not understand that at the moment, but she'll absorb it and she'll get it later.

Know that your daughter is picking up way more than you know (or may ever know). Help her find a way to cope and support her in the process.

Just my thoughts.

Create a great day!
Kristen Beireis
Supporting adults with GLBT parents in creating amazing lives.