I see it's been over 6 months since the post. I am a gay dad, but I do not have my kids with me as it was difficult having them go between two homes. So, I visit often.

My perspective comes from thoughts I've had, and my experience in marriage. When you are both the natural parents, the kids thrive when mom and dad have a great relationship. If the kids become the focus, the relationship suffers and so do the kids.

In any family, the adults learn to put the needs of the kids first, but also teach the kids that mom and dad's relationship is key to the family staying together. Security for kids is so important.

When a step parent is involved it can be good or bad. The natural parent has a responsibility to the kids. The step parent may not always see this, but can often feel threatened by the kids.

I say that the natural parent must be sensitive to the step parent, and find the balance to put the kids needs first, but still meet the partner's need. The step parent has to learn how to meet the need of the partner, and assist in parenting. A lot of communication and patience is needed on both sides.

For me, I cannot provide any emotional support for my boys when my emotional needs aren't being met, so I couldn't be single and still parent. This may not be true for everyone. Others simply can't deal with having to choose between the needs of their partner and their kids.

For you, you have to decide what you need. And if you need a partner in your life, then you have to figure out how to meet his needs while not compromising those of your kids. Yes, the kids must be your priority, but if you fail to meet his needs, you could lose him. No easy answers, but he is an adult while your kids are not. He can choose to be selfish and leave, you can not. The kids must come first if it ever comes to a choice.

Good luck, and I hope things are working out.

~Wayne