Proud Parenting

LGBTQ Parents - Lesbian Moms & Gay Dads

Same-sex parents spend more time engaged with their children than do heterosexual couples

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A major study confronts prejudices against LGBT families. The Population Research Center at the University of Texas used data from the US Census Bureau to find that same-sex parents spend more time engaged with their children than do their heterosexual counterparts.

The difference is most pronounced in families with two mothers, where parents spend on average 40 percent more time on child-focused activities than straight couples.

The extra time comes largely because both mothers typically offer as much child-focused activity as mothers in heterosexual partnerships. Fathers with female partners spent only about half as much time with their children.

The study found fathers in same-sex relationships spend a lot more time with their children than heterosexual dads (double the amount of time).

The report’s author, Kate Prickett, said: “Our findings support the argument that parental investment in children is at least as great – and possibly greater – in same-sex couples as for different-sex couples.”

The research, to be published in Britain on the Child and Family Blog, analysed time spent with with children while engaged in activities that supported physical and cognitive development. Tasks such as reading, playing, helping with homework, bath time, and doctor’s appointments were included, but passive activities such as watching television, or doing housework while a child was around, did not count.

Dr Prickett said “Our study suggests that… children with two-parents-of-the-same-sex families received more focused time from their parents – 3.5 hours a day, compared with 2.5 hours by children with different-sex parents.”

via Independent Online

Michael’s Birthday Gift

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Birthday boy Michael was celebrating with Larry and his great nephew, Blake. Blake’s been with the couple since September. They sang “Happy Birthday”, and Michael got the gift of a lifetime.

LGBT adoptive parents are increasing – state by state

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“It’s simple,” said Julie Hoffman, adoptions administrator for the state Department of Human Services. “Now that gay couples are allowed to marry, they’ll be treated like any other married couple who’s adopting.”

While same-sex couples have long been able to adopt from private, gay-friendly adoption agencies, adopting children from the foster care system has proved more difficult in some states.

“Marriage doesn’t create this completely certain playing field,” said Ellen Kahn, director of the children, youth and families program at the Human Rights Campaign, which advocates for gay rights.

And some states have taken up legislation that would allow taxpayer-funded contractors that oversee state adoptions to refuse to let gay or lesbian individuals adopt children if it conflicts with the organization’s religious beliefs. Michigan passed such a law right before the court decision.

All but Arkansas and Tennessee also had policies that did not allow gay and lesbian couples to adopt foster children jointly, according to HRC. In Alabama, where a federal court overruled the state’s ban on gay marriage, gay couples were also not allowed to adopt jointly.

But many of those states are changing their policies in the aftermath of the Supreme Court decision. That’s the case in North Dakota, where the law allows single people to adopt but specifies that adopting couples must be “husband and wife.”

HuffPost
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Mississippi adoption ban challenged

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Mississippi is the only state left in the nation that bans gay couples from adopting without regard for their qualifications as parents or the best interests of the child. The ban has been challenged in a federal lawsuit questioning the constitutionality of the state’s law banning adoption by same-sex couples.

The case was filed August 12th, in the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of Mississippi on behalf of four same-sex couples: Kari Lunsford and Tinora Sweeten-Lunsford, who are seeking to adopt a child; Brittany Rowell and Jessica Harbuck, also seeking to adopt; Donna Phillips and Janet Smith, parents to a young daughter; and Kathryn Garner and Susan Hrostowski, who have a 15-year-old son. Two organizations – the Campaign for Southern Equality and Family Equality Council – join the case as plaintiffs representing the LGBT families across Mississippi.

As of 2014, 996 same-sex couple households in Mississippi were raising 1,401 children, according to the Williams Institute at the U.C.L.A. School of Law. According to data from the 2010 Census, 29 percent of the 3,484 same-sex couples currently living in Mississippi are raising children under the age of 18 in their homes.

There are currently approximately 100 children in Mississippi who are in foster care and legally available for adoption, but who have not been matched with parents who can adopt them.

via Family Equality Council
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Court ends Nebraska’s ban on lesbian & gay foster parents

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A Nebraska District Court Judge ruled that Nebraska’s discriminatory treatment, policy and practice, toward gay and lesbian foster parents is unconstitutional under the Equal Protection Clause and Due Process Clause. The ACLU of Nebraska, the ACLU LGBT Rights & HIV Project, and the New York law firm of Sullivan and Cromwell filed suit on behalf of three same-sex couples who wanted to be foster parents for children in Nebraska. The policy stems from a 1995 memo, “Memo 1-95” issued by the Nebraska Department of Health and Human Services.

Statement from Danielle Conrad, Executive Director:

Nebraska’s motto of ‘Equality before the Law’ rings out more truly for all of us on this thrilling day. This is a special victory for thousands of children in Nebraska who now have more options to find loving and stable homes.

The couples in our case, like thousands of other gay and lesbian Nebraskans, have demonstrated their ability to provide loving homes for children. We are grateful for the court’s unequivocal, broad, and positive opinion in favor of LGBT Nebraskans constitutional rights to be full participants in our child welfare system.

Nebraska finally joins America in ending state sponsored discrimination in policy and practice that hurt Nebraska families and that prevented children in need from accessing loving and stable foster families.

via ACLU Nebraska
Image via ACLUNebraska.org

Nebraska lifts ban on gay people being foster parents

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Nebraska child welfare officials have quietly abandoned a controversial 20-year-old policy that bars gays and lesbians from becoming foster parents.

According to Gov. Pete Ricketts’ spokesman, the state’s current procedure no longer considers the sexual orientation of people seeking to foster or adopt state wards.

Nor does the procedure bar children from being placed with licensed foster parents simply because of the parents’ sexual orientation.

“The policy hasn’t changed but the Department (of Health and Human Services) has fallen out of compliance with it,” Ricketts spokesman Taylor Gage said Friday.

via Omaha.com

OUT Fund makes grant to RaiseAChild.US

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RaiseAChild.US has received $7,500 for general operating support from OUT Fund. Since 2011, RaiseAChild.US has engaged more than 2,000 prospective parents nationally and become a leading organization for public education and advocacy on behalf of the 400,000 children awaiting foster and adoptive homes.

“We are honored to receive the recognition and backing of the OUT Fund,” says Rich Valenza, Founder and CEO of RaiseAChild.US. “Through the OUT Fund, we are receiving support back directly from the LGBT community and its generous allies.”

The OUT Fund is a giving circle comprised of individuals with diverse backgrounds who are committed to leveraging resources and expertise to make a positive impact in the community.

Article adapted by Proud Parenting from original press release

The Tragic Risk of Identity Theft for Foster Children

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Every year in the U.S., 250,000 children enter the foster care system, according to Adopt US Kids. Ranging from birth to 21 years of age, these children face enormous challenges as they wait to unite with their birth families, join a foster family or age out.

Foster parents also face enormous challenges caring for these children. Foster parents have the responsibility to nurture them under their care and protect them from a variety of dangers. One of those dangers is identity theft.

Older children separated from their parents often create emotional barriers. They typically feel they cannot trust anyone and have trouble forming healthy relationships. Some crave lost emotional connections while still others reach out to strangers or become exceptionally clingy to caregivers.

One of the inherent dangers for children in the latter category manifests itself in the formation of inappropriate relationships, in person and online.

Fostering Safe Online Practices

The faceless environment of the Internet gives some children a sense of security. It is easier to imagine a person hiding behind the monitor as a trusted friend or advisor. A smiling Gravatar and playful language contribute to this false sense of security.

Parents must continually monitor online activities and model healthy, loving relationships. Age-appropriate discussions about online relationships and using caution are necessary to help children understand and follow safe Net-surfing rules that protect them from identity thieves. Parents should instruct all children not to give out personal information like last name, address, phone number or the name of their school that could be used to locate them for in-person visits.

Protecting the Foster Child From Online Identity Theft

In a 2012 project where 40,000 child identities were scanned, 10.2 percent of those identities showed evidence of identity theft, according to Richard Power, Carnegie Mellon University fellow. Another report shows that instances of familial identity abuse often resulted in larger monetary damage than incidents committed by non-relative parties.

By the time parents discover their child’s personal information is corrupted, the damage could be severe.

Purchasing online identity theft protection is one of the best ways to protect minors from having their information pirated by scammers and con artist.

Programs designed specifically for children, like kID Sure, a product offered by Identity Guard, look for credit activity, criminal records and utility records that could indicate someone is using a child’s name or social security number without permission.

An Ounce of Prevention is Worth a Life Time of Security

As many as 50 percent of foster care children exit the system only to discover they have been victims of identity fraud, according to Sacramento Bee journalist Paresh Dave (3). This number reflects a high concentration of involvement from family members that use a child’s social security number to apply for loans, credit cards and utility services.

Finding an inactive credit file bolsters criminals’ confidence to use that dormant information without fear.

Working with caseworkers, foster parents should establish a monitoring program for their child’s personal information. If there is evidence someone is checking a file periodically, thieves will be less likely to attempt to use that file for personal gain.

With pressures at home, school and work, it’s difficult enough to grow up In today’s society. Parents can help children protect their financial future by monitoring their online presence.

The Unimportance of Mothers by Jon Holden Galluccio, author of “An American Family”

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The Unimportance of Mothers by Jon Holden Galluccio, author of “An American Family”

My daughter Madison just turned 15. My baby is now 15, a young lady and a quite accomplished young lady at that! The truth is that most of the time over the past 15 years Madison has basically walked on water. She has always been one of the most caring loving souls on this planet. Ask anyone, it is not just parental bias here. I say that with the utmost humility because I know in many ways I am responsible for it. Michael too of course, but for this piece I’m taking credit because this is about the unimportance of “Mothers”.

Offensive, maybe but read along and hopefully you will be less offended and more enlightened for isn’t that the point of everything I write?

Michael and I, along with raising three children, have always advocated for families like ours, gays and lesbians having and raising children. Recently, someone coined the phrase “growing up in a homocentric household” not sure if it makes sense or not but I like it so who cares, it makes sense to me and I’m the author here!

So in advocating for families like ours we have always been barraged with questions about “growing up in a ‘homocentric’ household”. “What’s it like?” “How is it different from growing up in a ‘heterocentric’ household?” For us, as gay men, there have been two questions asked over and over and over again.

The first question Michael and I resolved very early on and that is “Won’t gay men raise their children to be gay?” Of course, our parents raised us to be heterosexual and that didn’t happen so we knew that was just ridiculous. However, in the beginning we were quoting statistics that proved that to be unlikely etc. Then during one radio interview while we still lived in Maywood (so this was early), after discussing this with Michael, I responded “So what if they turn out to be gay because of us, there is nothing wrong with being gay!” From that interview forward there was no longer a debate on that issue. We have repeated that answer over and over and have yet to have anyone come back on that. Issue closed!

The second question has taken quite a bit longer to resolve and that is something like “Won’t your children suffer without having a mother?” Michael and I have both spoken volumes on this to our friends and foes alike. We have given examples of all the female role models they have. We have probably even over compensated with making sure Madison had all these connections. Last month, at Montclair State University, I watched Madison struggle with the same question as the world in general still seems very concerned about how there is no mother in our family equation. Madison immediately spoke up about how Rosa, her 29 year old sister is “like a mother to her” and the audience accepted it, felt better about it and moved on.

I, however, did not accept it and am only moving on now as I write this. So here’s the truth. The un-sugar coated reality is kids don’t need mother’s, they need nurturers. I swear to you, it is the God’s honest truth but I have never said it before for fear of offending mothers, motherhood, women, etc. While I am at it I will even go on to say that men (meaning at least me) can nurture children as well as any woman can. A vagina is not required to nurture a child. I am just trying to say that our ingrained bias on the whole male/female thing skews people’s view of families like ours. It’s a gender bias that in this day and age has to be addressed. For my lesbian counterparts raising kids in a “homocentric” household I’m sure the same argument can be made for the unimportance of fathers! Again, I do not believe that one must have a penis in order to demonstrate discipline and stability for their children. This probably applies to all the “heterocentic” families with stay at home dads and working moms too!

So I’m not against mothers because honestly my role, my culturally ingrained role, is that of a mother. Not the noun mother but the verb. Ok, maybe it isn’t an actual verb but by now I hope you got my point if not I will share this one more story.

When Madison was 11 (she’ll probably hate me for sharing this one!) she got her period. This is probably the single most important experience for a female in their young lives. When the heralding of her impending womanhood showed up, my mother was visiting and I said to Madison “Oh wait do you want me to get Nana?” and she said “No I need you Daddy”. So for the most intimate female event in her young life she did not need a woman, she needed her Daddy.

Her Daddy who has been mothering her since she was a baby is all she needed.

JON HOLDEN GALLUCCIO, AUTHOR OF “AN AMERICAN FAMILY” WITH MICHAEL GALLUCCIO AND DAVID GROFF, IS A FINANCIAL SERVICES REPRESENTATIVE WITH METLIFE. HE RESIDES WITH MICHAEL AND TWO OF THEIR CHILDREN IN NORTH HALEDON. HE CAN BE CONTACTED AT WWW.GALLUCCIO.COM