Proud Parenting

LGBTQ Parents - Lesbian Moms & Gay Dads

How can I find the perfect surrogate for me? Ask Dr. Doyle

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QUESTION: “I’m a single gay man who wants to work with a gestational surrogate. Since I don’t have a partner to ask, I’m hoping you can help me explore the issue. How can I be sure to make a perfect match for me? What characteristics should I look for when getting to know prospective surrogates? What questions should I ask myself – and her – (and possibly her husband)?”

Dr. Doyle: One of the most important characteristics for you to find in your carrier is a sincere desire to partner with you to build your family, and a shared commitment to taking this journey with you as you see fit.

First, you need to be compatible on the major medical issues regarding the number of embryos you want to transfer, multiple pregnancy, selective reduction and C-Section. If you want twins, you should only consider a carrier who is very open to that. If you have an opinion about whether you would selectively reduce a multiple pregnancy, it is equally that you and she are on the same page with that.

You should look to partner with someone with whom you are compatible on a week-to-week basis. For example, are you looking for someone who will share info with you regularly, like how she is feeling, what she is eating, whether she is taking her vitamins, or how each prenatal visit with her doctor went? Or are you more a “big picture” guy who doesn’t need all the details? Some carriers are better matched to someone who enjoys and appreciates more frequent communication while others just are better suited to e-mails or phone calls in which “everything is fine.”

Either way, you should aim to trust your potential carrier as much as you possibly can, and be able to feel comfortable with her immediate family and support systems. For many people, that means visiting her in her home before making any commitments or signing any contracts. You should be able to openly communicate with her, and she with you. This is a partnership that will live on well after the birth that she provides, and like any meaningful relationship, it makes sense to take all the time you need to cultivate that bond.


Ask Dr. Doyle



Can I donate my eggs to a gay couple? Ask Dr. Doyle

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QUESTION: “I’m a 23-year old athletic woman who is considering donating her eggs to be used by a family who needs them. I’m consistently healthy, with average height and weight. Can I donate? I know there are tests used by fertility agencies that can help me determine if this is the right thing for me to do. What types of tests will I be given in order to measure my ability to be an egg donor candidate? What is the approximate financial gain for a one time donation?”

Dr. Doyle: “Eligibility testing is used to determine whether you can donate your eggs. It includes a variety of medical, genetic, and psychosocial evaluations that you would be required to complete.

These tests involve screening for infectious diseases, as well as bloodwork to ensure that you do not carry genes that could increase the risk of producing a baby with a genetic problem. You will also be tested for nicotine, alcohol and other drugs. In addition we ask that you speak to one of our social workers as well as our psychologists, and that everyone agrees that donating will be a positive experience for everyone, including you. We also do several tests to determine your ovarian function (including your FSH level and antral follicle count) to ensure that you will respond well to the fertility medications that you will need to take, and that your egg quality and embryo quality will be excellent. This is because we expect an egg donor your age to usually produce 15-20 eggs, which should enable to production of at least 8-10 high grade embryos that can be successfully used during both fresh and frozen transfers. Sometimes great healthy women even younger than you are rejected from donating because their hormone testing predicts that they will not produce enough good eggs, and we would rather figure that out before an unsuccessful donation rather than going through a whole cycle and having a negative result.

Compensation for your donation varies from region to region. My center provides an $8,000 honorarium for each donation and allows up to 6 donations. If you would like to apply to be a donor at Connecticut Fertility Associates, click here.”


Ask Dr. Doyle



What do we do with unused embryos? Ask Dr. Doyle

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QUESTION: “My partner and I recently froze our ‘donation’, and we’re starting to consider embryo creation, storage, and final outcome for each. Is it true we can donate our unused embryos to stem cell research? We may have several unused embryos, right? What are our options to consider?”

Dr. Doyle: Once your eggs are fertilized and the embryos are created, we then store the remainder of the highly graded embryos that you do not transfer into your carrier. Remarkably, thanks to modern “vitrification” freezing techniques that more and more labs are now offering, theses embryos can remain frozen in storage for many years, and when they are ultimately thawed, over 95% will survive and implant just as well as they would have when they were “fresh”.

This means that in many instances, an egg donation cycle results in the formation of more than enough embryos to create all the children that you desire, and excess embryos exist.

If you have such extra frozen embryos, your options are to:

  • Use them
  • Discard them
  • Donate them for scientific or other research
  • Donate them to others who are looking to have children but for whatever reason (usually financial) are unable to create their own embryos.
  • Continue to keep them frozen and renew your decision annually until you ultimately decide what is best.

Embryo donation is an option that more and more couples are considering and navigating.


Ask Dr. Doyle


Video: Circle Surrogacy participates at Italy’s first seminar about parenting through surrogacy in the U.S.

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While surrogacy is illegal if done in Italy, having a child with the help of a surrogate mother in the U.S. is becoming more popular among Italian gay men. Circle Surrogacy hosted an informational seminar last Fall – about parenting options through surrogacy in the U.S. for Italian and Swiss residents.

Experienced parents and lawyers shared their knowledge with interested parents. Participants also heard directly from an American surrogate mother who gave birth to a baby for an Italian gay couple.

The program included presentations by a surrogate mother from the U.S., Italian fathers and lawyers specializing in international surrogacy and other parenting options for Italian gay men. Additional legal and practical advice was provided by John Weltman, an American gay father and also the founder of Circle Surrogacy, an agency that helps people from around the world to become parents in this manner.

WATCH VIDEOS FROM THE EVENT:



Article adapted from original press release
11/09

What should we know about egg donation? Ask Dr. Doyle

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QUESTION: “My partner and I have researched traditional and gestational surrogacy, and we’ve decided to go with gestational surrogacy because of the emotional attachment sometimes experienced by traditional surrogates. Having made that decision, we’re excited about choosing an egg donor. What are some things we should know before beginning this step? What is the role of the medical team in finding and screening the egg donor? And how long does it take?”

Dr. Doyle: “Finding the ideal donor requires attention to a combination of medical, genetic, psychological and emotional issues, but it can be one of the most important and empowering decisions that you ever make. All prospective egg donors undergo a rigorous medical, genetic, and psychological screening. In the US egg donation still tends to be anonymous, however some clinics and agencies also provide childhood and adult photos, others offer taped video interviews, and a few centers (including mine) encourage known donation and arrange face-to-face meetings. Donations can also be shared or unshared, and eggs can be fresh or frozen. There can actually be a remarkable amount of choice and control, and depending on the clinic that you choose to use (and the size of their donor pool) waiting time can range from one month to over a year. In my center, over 90% of our clients match to their egg donor in less than a month.

After the donor is selected and her eggs are eventually harvested, your sperm is added, and in vitro fertilization (IVF) is performed to create the embryos that will be placed into your carrier. This is done by a team of physicians, embryologists and support staff that will carefully guide you on the choices and decisions which you will need to make. These choices will be undoubtedly affected by who you are and what you are hoping to achieve: One biological dad or two? A single baby or twins? Future siblings?”


Ask Dr. Doyle



U.S. surrogate visits Israeli gay couple and their children

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Dawn – a surrogate mother in the United States – delivered twins for an Israeli gay couple. She recently visited the family along with her husband. The reunion was featured on Israeli TV in a story about gay men who increasingly turn to U.S. surrogacy in their quest for parenthood. Also featured in the news clip are the Israeli couple, Circle Surrogacy’s president – John Weltman – and the agency’s Israeli liaison. The report is also a unique opportunity to hear about surrogacy from the perspective of the surrogate’s husband.

Circle Surrogacy has a channel on YouTube. Check it out for an archive of surrogacy related videos, and links to similar content on other channels. Among the clips are videos from seminars in Tel Aviv, Stockholm, Paris, New York and other locations.

WATCH the Israeli news report featuring Dawn:

GLBT-friendly children’s books

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Karen Muller – from American Libraries Magazine – helps an elementary teacher who is preparing for a new program:

The teacher asks: “We are beginning an outreach program to address issues of gender in the pre K-3 grade classroom. We are looking for material for early readers that is particularly adept at portraying non-stereotypical gender roles and that addresses LGBT issues in age appropriate ways. Can you guide me to any resources, book lists, etc.?”

Karen’s response: “A good starting place is with the various recommended reading lists, or award-winning books, prepared by several divisions and other units of the American Library Association. A guide to these has been prepared as ALA Library Fact Sheet 23: Recommended Reading. Two awards, in particular, address your particular needs: the Stonewall Awards and the Rainbow Project. We have gathered additional resources for services to Gay Populations on the ALA Library’s Professional Tips Wiki.

Louisiana court rules state must issue birth certificate to same-sex adoptive parents

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The Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that the Louisiana Registrar of Vital Statistics must respect a New York adoption by a same-sex couple of a Louisiana-born baby boy.

The three-member panel voted unanimously to uphold a lower court ruling in favor of Lambda Legal clients Oren Adar and Mickey Ray Smith. Adar and Smith are a gay couple who adopted their Louisiana-born son in 2006 in New York, where a judge issued an adoption decree.

When the couple attempted to get a new birth certificate for their child, in part so Smith could add his son to his health insurance, the registrar’s office told him that Louisiana does not recognize adoption by unmarried parents and so could not issue it.

“Even our opponents have said this is a landmark case, and we’re pleased the court agrees that it’s wrong to punish children just because the Registrar doesn’t like their parents,” said Ken Upton, Supervising Senior Staff Attorney for Lambda Legal. “Once again, the court is saying that the
Constitution requires state officials across the country to respect the parent-child relationships established by adoption decrees, regardless of the state where that decree is entered.”

Article adapted from original press release

Gay dad becomes President of Grinnell College

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Iowa’s Grinnell College has named Raynard S. Kington, M.D., M.B.A., Ph.D., its 13th president – beginning August 1, 2010.

From a press release: “Dr. Kington; his partner, Peter T. Daniolos M.D., a child psychiatrist at Children’s National Medical Center and George Washington University; and their two young children plan to move to Grinnell during the summer and occupy the president’s home at the college.”

Dr. Kington was most recently the deputy director of the National Institutes of Health (NIH).

Grinnell College is a nationally recognized, private, four-year, liberal arts college. Founded in 1846 – Grinnell enrolls 1,600 students from all 50 states and several countries.

Gay Toronto mayoral candidate a step closer to adopting a child

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CBC News reports that openly gay politician – George Smitherman – is adopting a baby boy.

He and his husband Christopher Peloso’s attempt to adopt was approved in principle by the Toronto Children’s Aid Society.

“Christopher and I are very proud to share the news,” he said in a release.

“Despite our overwhelming joy at the prospect of being parents to a beautiful baby boy, we must ask for your complete co-operation in respecting our privacy and the important legal process that governs our potential adoption.”

Smitherman said it takes a minimum of six months for an adoption to be finalized. The adoption isn’t official until the new parents and child have gotten to know each other and authorities have determined the child’s needs are being met.

The couple was married in August 2007. They first met 13 years prior and started dating about two years before they exchanged wedding vows.

Smitherman served as the province’s deputy premier, health minister and energy minister before he stepped down in November to run for Toronto mayor. The election is scheduled for Oct. 25.