My partner and I decided to take a quick vacation before our babies were due. It was to be our last quiet vacation before parenthood… a babymoon. While we were away, we got a text from our surrogate that she wasn’t feeling well. She had been to the doctor who monitored the babies, said all was well and sent her home. Later in the week, her condition worsened and when she came in to her scheduled appointment we got a frantic call. Our worst fear was quickly becoming a reality. Our identical twin girls had developed a condition known as “twin to twin transfusion”. Its a condition that results when the twins share one placenta and one amniotic sac (separated by a membrane). In these cases, there are blood vessels that travel through the placenta from one twin to the other. The result is that the “donor” twin becomes anemic and the “receiving” twin becomes overwhelmed with an excess of blood. In addition, our surrogate’s condition began to worsen which put the live of all three babies at risk. The scary part is that we were only 27 weeks pregnant. We booked flights and rushed to her side and held her hand as our sick twins underwent surgery….in utero. The following day, we learned that our little girl could not withstand the procedure. She sacrificed her life so that her sister and brother could live. We were able to hold on for another 4 days, but then we got the next set of bad news. Our surrogate’s condition continued to worsen… we had to deliver the babies at 27.5 weeks in order to save all of them. A very bitter sweet moment… we heard the cries of our daughter and our son knowing that our little angel would never cry. The last week has been a roller coaster of emotions from fear/anxiety/devastating sorrow to joy. As of now, our kids are a little over a week old and they’re off of the ventilator and breathing on their own. We are so proud. Thank you to all who have followed our journey to becoming parents. Still grieving..
Well, its been a while since I’ve updated my blog, so here goes. All is going well. Our GS is 5 months pregnant today and there are no problems….knock on wood….We are expecting identical twin girls and a little boy. I flew down to go to our last ultrasound appointment our little guys are growing fast! They’re each just under one pound and the doctors are saying that they’re a week ahead of schedule. We’re shooting for 35 weeks for our due date, but we know that the babies will decide when its time…
Now, its a mad rush to get everything we need to prepare for our new family. We’ve ordered the baby furniture… who knew that it would take 3 months before it would come. Glad that’s done. At this point, if the babies come earlier than expected, we’ll have to go out a buy whatever crib is in stock as a quick fix. When they come home, they’ll all stay in the same crib for a while anyway.
The other big issue was the stroller… there aren’t a lot of choices for triplet strollers, but now that’s done.
Today, we began interviewing nannies. It felt daunting as we started, but we met three wonderful women and have already begun checking references. We also connected with a baby nurse for when the babies first come home.
Next big task…. we need a bigger car. Wish us luck.
Keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We still have a long way to go til the babies arrive healthy.
You know when they say that? “Be careful what you wish for!” I now know what “they” mean….we are no longer having twins….we’re having triplets. We found out today that one of the embyros split into identical twins. Now we have identical twins and a fraternal singleton. Ironically, I also had my own doctor’s appointment today for a general check up. I told my doctor that my blood pressure might be a little on the high side because we just got some unexpected, but very happy news….TRIPLETS!!!! Yes, my blood pressure is a bit elevated, but the doctor said he wasn’t surprised at all.
Our GS is ecstatic and says her body is made for this and not to worry. That’s all I’m doing right now…. worrying. Can we afford this? I know, we’ll figure out a way to make it work. I put my two seater convertible up for sale a few weeks ago. My partner already has an SUV, but I said it was time for a family sedan…he informed me this morning that I would be getting a mini van. I’m still not over that.
Its sinking in, but not fast enough. I don’t think our house is big enough for a family of five plus two big dogs (our first babies). At first, I thought, we’ll have time but our doctor informed us that with triplets, they often come early. Originally, we were told that our due date was the end of August. But now, we’re being told to expect early arrivals, possibly late June or early July…
Our families are rallying around us. We already have both Grandma’s, Great Aunts, Aunts and Uncles promising to move in to help. Where will we fit them?
As you can tell, I’m rambling. This is actually how the thoughts are coming to me…. they’re bouncing back and forth in my head.
Well, I’m heading to bed to sleep, possibly for the last time. I’ll write some more when things have settled in. Thanks for reading.
I haven’t been on the site for a while. We’ve had a lot going on since our last embryo transfer. Our doctors determined that the egg donor that we chose (a first time donor) was not the best choice. They wanted us to choose an experienced donor and start over. We went through the database again and chose a new donor, but had to delay our next transfer until the early fall. We got married in September and went away for our honeymoon. The transfer would have to wait until after we got back and it was scheduled for Mid October. Unfortunately, there were some issues with our GS’ cycle and we were back at the drawing board. The next transfer was scheduled for The day after Thanksgiving….again, another speed bump. How could the doctors expect that our GS and the ED would be willing to travel away from their families on Thanksgiving… It was pushed to the 2nd week in December. The egg retrieval was successful and we had our plans to fly out to CA for our transfer. On day 5, our embryos looked good…but. The Drs wanted to wait another day for the embryos to continue to grow before the transfer. More anxiety. Day 6, all looked good. We had very good embryos and transfered two to the GS. Now the waiting game.. 10 days before the pregnancy test. We would learn just before Christmas. Well, it was late in the day on a Friday afternoon and I was freaking out because we hadn’t heard anything. We called our GS…nothing. We called the agency…nothing. We called the Drs office, they’d call back….. 10 minutes later our GS called us (5:30pm). WE’RE PREGNANT!!!!! We popped some champagne and began our private celebration. Our immediate families knew that we were waiting to hear, so we were avoiding their calls. We wanted to tell them in person at Christmas. We were at my family on Christmas Eve and we were all together when I said “I know we agreed that we’d only buy gifts for the kids, but we have a gift for everyone…” then I turned to my mom and said, “you’re going to be a Grandma again!” Mom & Dad cried and everyone else cheered. The next day was Christmas and we went to my partner’s family….everyone cried.
We had to make our arrangements to go to the first ultrasound appointment, which was this past Monday….. more good news! WE’RE HAVING TWINS!!!! The heartbeats are strong and all looks good. We’re only 7 weeks along, but we couldn’t be happier. It’s been a long journey and we’re only at the beginning. I hope this helps others going through this process. When we started, people warned that there would be ups and downs… and there have been… but its worth it!
Well, we got the call this afternoon and we were very disappointed to learn that our surrogate is not pregnant. The doctor gave us a very low probability due to the poor quality/grade of the embryos so we tried to prepare ourselves, but we couldn’t help but be hopeful. Well we’re taking a breather right now to gather our thoughts, but we expect to go back to square one and try again. We’ve been warned that this is not uncommon, but it doesn’t make it much easier knowing that. Thankfully, our surrogate is very much engaged in the process with us and has reiterated her support. We are so pleased to have met her!
After several months of working through the process, meeting our surrogate, choosing an egg donor, going through the legal documentation…we have arrived at this special moment. As we began, it seemed like it would take forever to get to this point, but as with everything else that you meet with great anticipation, the time has flewn. Last Monday, our egg donor was ready for the egg retrieval. We had been told that she had over 20 follicles so when we learned that they were only able to retrieve 8 eggs, we were concerned. The following day, we learned that of the 8 eggs, only 7 were mature enough and only 5 resulted in fertilization. The numbers were not going with us. We arrived in LA for the embryo transfer and met up with our surrogate. We were so excited and arrived at the doctor’s office for the transfer bright and early. When the doctor arrived, we all recognized that his demeanor was much more serious than it was when we first met him. Something didn’t seem quite right. Our surrogate went back to get prepared for the transfer and we went to meet with the doctor. He was very direct and the news wasn’t great. All five embryos were of poor quality, with only one having a chance. I didn’t expect it, but it hit me really hard. I didn’t expect to mourn and don’t mean to be dramatic, but I definitely felt a loss. We went to share the news with our surrogate and she was immediately concerned for us. We went through and transferred the three best and the doctor told us not to get our hopes up this time. The chances are about 10% that this transfer could result in a pregnancy. He attributes the issue to the poor quality of the eggs. Our egg donor, while young and healthy, was a first time donor without a track record. He indicated that she would be disqualified from donating again. Since my partner and I had split the eggs and each gave a sample to fertilize the eggs the doctor was confident that the issue was with the eggs and not the sperm. If we aren’t pregnant, then its back to the beginning and we’ll need to select a new egg donor. The doctor wants to make sure that he reviews our choices before we pick a donor and he wants to make sure that we pick someone who is a proven donor. As of now, we are 2 days post the transfer date and need to wait for another week to find out whether we are pregnant. We’re getting amazing support from our families, leaning on each other and are focusing on taking it one day at a time and remaining calm. We are hopeful.
Our journey begins…
Brad and I just returned from our match meeting with a surrogate. We met a very nice lesbian couple who have been together for 5 years and have 3 children of their own. Our prospective surrogate was a surrogate for a gay man last year and gave birth to twins. The meeting went very well. Of course, Brad and I were very excited and nervous going into the meeting, but relaxed pretty quickly.
We have to get back to our agency tomorrow with our decision on whether its a match, or not and I think we’re set. A few things are bothering us and I was wondering if anyone out there has some experience that they can share…
The surrogate has some expectations that we’re concerned about. The last parent that she worked with was at every doctor’s appointment and moved out to live near her a month before the delivery. She expects us to be at every doctor’s appointment too. We told her that it was not possible and she seemed to understand, but we’re concerned about not meeting her expectations and having some rough patches down the road.