just a thought

This is simply my advice, information that I have formulated over many years in my own quest to be called “Daddy…”

Sometimes, not always, countries with surrogacy programs or adoption programs will look the other way if you cover your tracks well enough, meaning, don’t create billboards regarding your success in whatever method you used to become a parent, history has shown (Guatemala, Russia, Ukraine, parts of Africa, Republic of Georgia, Malaysia and now India) that they will lets things slide under the radar, as long as the nation does not become known in the community of adoption and/or surrogacy as the new gay Mecca…. I think that India shot itself in their own foot, they placed way too much emphasis on GAY SURROGACY, SINGLE MEN, etc…. on websites, advertisements and within the media… Things would have continued if the bigger picture was looked at, FOR ME, I care more about becoming a parent than I do setting a trend or movement toward a certain or particular technique to achieving parenthood. One example of how a county might be open to GLBT adoption would be if they say “parent requirements: married applicants accepted, prior divorce accepted, single females accepted, single males accepted,” now they may say in another section that gays are not welcome…. but they are clearly open to “singles” so take a step back, and look at the goal- you want to be (a) parent(s,) maybe travel alone, carefully choose who you are working with to ensure that your application is clear of the word gay, by not stating you are or that your are not. A sentence in a heterosexuality statement might read “Although there have been two long term relationships, neither has lead to marriage,” this was true for me when I adopted from Guatemala. Gay marriage was not legal, and I had been in two long term relationships (one being 6 months- I was 15, the other being over 10 years, neither sanctioned.) And keep the program within the network of others who you can trust, like other people in your situation. When I was younger I insisted on wearing pride rings, but now, I look back and think “thank God I didn’t wear those when I adopted-” an abandoned child, is it deceitful, maybe, but ethically, is anyone actually getting hurt. So some embassy official is lead to believe you are something your not, they will be lead to believe that your something your not if you admit to being gay (since gay men make up less than 1% of pedophiles, but get blamed for 99% of the crimes,) and is the child being hurt in anyway, no, it’s getting a home, (a) parent(s) and a life that may have been cut short needlessly. I know that my opinion will not please everyone, but, I knew in my heart that I was a good person, with good intentions, and to be honest, the embassy TOTALLY knew that there where six G/L couples sitting TOGETHER in the waiting room praying for their name (so what if its not nameS) called up to the window to obtain the exit visa or whatever you need…..) Once you get home, your all good. For me, the bigger picture was becoming a parent, not making the statement that I was becoming a gay parent- bc I knew that it’s looked down upon in other places. So they don’t like GLBT’s, you know what, had GLBT people not adopted from, for example, I will wager 65% of the children exiting their country would still be there. And those adopters who became parents of those 65% might not have a child(ren) has they worn their favorite t-shirt “Im not gay, but my boyfriend is,” it’s all a game, and if you play it cool, you should be good.
PS, there are a lot of untapped resources for people seeking to adopt or surrogacy, for example the lack of a rule or law works in your favor, many countries dont define who can adopt or who cant/ same with surrogacy…. So, don’t rock the boat. (this is not intended to point fingers or make anyone feel guilty or angry, it is merely a suggestion from a parent who found himself spread across the associated press for being an adoptive parent from an orphanage that had gotten in trouble for their methods of obtaining children- I knew in my heart I never did anything unethical, so I have clean hands. And, if you think about it, unless you are one of the 1%, your gonna make a great parent, so, go for it, carefully!

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