You’re a straight parent, and all of a sudden everywhere you turn, you’re hearing about gay parents. They’re on the talk shows. They’re in your magazines. They’re even at your school. You have so many burning questions. Let’s try to answer a few…
Q. Do gay parents try to make their children gay?
A. No. Immediately upon becoming parents, gays foreswear the Gay Agenda and their recruitment efforts cease. They do, however, attempt to hold onto their own gay identities, although many find this to be a losing battle due to their constant contact with straight people at work, daycare, school, church, ballet classes, soccer games, baseball practice, and the pediatrician’s office. In fact, if the goal of Right Wingers is to excise gay people’s gayness, they might want to make it easier for them to become parents. Ease up on adoption rules. Look the other way on foster parenting. Legalize second parent adoption. Ironically, parenting seems to work better than reparative therapy at making gays think like straights.
Q. What will happen if I let my son or daughter have a sleepover at the house of gay parents?
A. The same things that happen on a sleepover at your house. They’ll play, watch a movie, stay up longer than you want them to, wake up earlier than you want them to, play, watch TV, and eat fluffy homemade waffles or pancakes painstakingly prepared by groggy parents who wish they were still in bed like the parents of their sleepover guest. Gay parents do sometimes add a garnish to the plate and sprinkle the waffles with powdered sugar, but these small aesthetic expressions of gayness have no harmful effects. Remember, sleepovers are free babysitting for overwhelmed parents. You’re crazy if you don’t take advantage of them.
© 2009 by Carrie Smith. All rights reserved.