After several months of working through the process, meeting our surrogate, choosing an egg donor, going through the legal documentation…we have arrived at this special moment. As we began, it seemed like it would take forever to get to this point, but as with everything else that you meet with great anticipation, the time has flewn. Last Monday, our egg donor was ready for the egg retrieval. We had been told that she had over 20 follicles so when we learned that they were only able to retrieve 8 eggs, we were concerned. The following day, we learned that of the 8 eggs, only 7 were mature enough and only 5 resulted in fertilization. The numbers were not going with us. We arrived in LA for the embryo transfer and met up with our surrogate. We were so excited and arrived at the doctor’s office for the transfer bright and early. When the doctor arrived, we all recognized that his demeanor was much more serious than it was when we first met him. Something didn’t seem quite right. Our surrogate went back to get prepared for the transfer and we went to meet with the doctor. He was very direct and the news wasn’t great. All five embryos were of poor quality, with only one having a chance. I didn’t expect it, but it hit me really hard. I didn’t expect to mourn and don’t mean to be dramatic, but I definitely felt a loss. We went to share the news with our surrogate and she was immediately concerned for us. We went through and transferred the three best and the doctor told us not to get our hopes up this time. The chances are about 10% that this transfer could result in a pregnancy. He attributes the issue to the poor quality of the eggs. Our egg donor, while young and healthy, was a first time donor without a track record. He indicated that she would be disqualified from donating again. Since my partner and I had split the eggs and each gave a sample to fertilize the eggs the doctor was confident that the issue was with the eggs and not the sperm. If we aren’t pregnant, then its back to the beginning and we’ll need to select a new egg donor. The doctor wants to make sure that he reviews our choices before we pick a donor and he wants to make sure that we pick someone who is a proven donor. As of now, we are 2 days post the transfer date and need to wait for another week to find out whether we are pregnant. We’re getting amazing support from our families, leaning on each other and are focusing on taking it one day at a time and remaining calm. We are hopeful.
- Children of color face special challenges with white parents. Race and culture is often ignored in foster care and adoption