This couple is pursuing fatherhood via surrogacy. Wish them luck!

Our journey begins…

Brad and I just returned from our match meeting with a surrogate. We met a very nice lesbian couple who have been together for 5 years and have 3 children of their own. Our prospective surrogate was a surrogate for a gay man last year and gave birth to twins. The meeting went very well. Of course, Brad and I were very excited and nervous going into the meeting, but relaxed pretty quickly.

We have to get back to our agency tomorrow with our decision on whether its a match, or not and I think we’re set. A few things are bothering us and I was wondering if anyone out there has some experience that they can share…

The surrogate has some expectations that we’re concerned about. The last parent that she worked with was at every doctor’s appointment and moved out to live near her a month before the delivery. She expects us to be at every doctor’s appointment too. We told her that it was not possible and she seemed to understand, but we’re concerned about not meeting her expectations and having some rough patches down the road.

9 thoughts on “This couple is pursuing fatherhood via surrogacy. Wish them luck!

  • April 14, 2008 at 12:58 am
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    i was wondering why it was that you wouldn’t want to be at each of the appointments? is a work commitment thing, or a scheduling thing.

    i find that interesting, because most people i know going through the surrogacy process want to be at every last appointment, so that they can know how their child is doing. i can understand her wanting you to be there, to further signify to her that this is not her child, but rather a blessing she is giving to the both of you.

    not to mention, she may find it uncomfortable for her to go alone, since this will not be her baby.

    i’m not trying to lecture, and i pray that you won’t be offended, but know that once the child is here, you will have to go to FAR more appointments.

    i think that moving closer for the last month is a bit unreasonable, but finding the time to go to her prenatal appointments is something you two should want to do for yourselves, and will serve as a wonderful bonding time for you to get to know the baby before it is born. i really hope you guys will reconsider. even if its one of you going to the appointments, i think that would mean a lot.

    once again, not trying to lecture, but just my two cents. please don’t be offended!! please…

  • April 13, 2008 at 11:28 pm
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    We are now matched with our gestational carrier and our egg donor. We just received word that our surrogate and donor are both on birth control and their cycles are being synchronized. We could be expecting dads within the next 6-8 weeks. We are so excited and can barely contain it. At first, we weren’t going to tell anyone until we knew we were expecting and were a few months into the pregnancy, but that flew out the window when we got this news. We just told Brad’s family and it was truly everything that I thought it would be. Tears of joy, lots of hugs and kisses and complete excitement and support. My family is next. Mom & Dad are traveling back from Florida and I want to tell them in person, so we have to wait til next Sunday. I can barely stand it. I can’t wait to tell them. I am beaming!!!!

  • April 14, 2008 at 1:20 pm
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    I am so excited for you two.

    I know that you two are more excited than I.

    “I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood. That the speaking profits me, beyond any other effect.” – Audre Lorde

  • April 22, 2008 at 12:20 am
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    First, thank you so much for giving us your opinion. I am not offended at all and believe me, we want to be at every appointment and if we could, we’d have her move in so that we could experience every little thing that our surrogate will experience during the pregnancy. Unfortunately, both my partner and I work and we live half way across the country from where our surrogate is. With our work schedules and expenses, it will be difficult to manage. Since our original posting, we’ve had several conversations about it and we will likely go to the milestone doctors appointments together and then rotate so that we can individually be at as many appointments as possible. Thank you again for giving us your perspective on it. Wish us luck!

  • April 22, 2008 at 12:23 am
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    Thank you so much for writing a note to us. We are very excited. Its great to know that there are people out there routing for us. I’ll keep posting and hope to hear from you again. Take care!

  • April 22, 2008 at 12:30 am
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    Yesterday, we went out to my parents house to visit with them and my brother, sister-in-law and my two nieces. We broke the news to our family that we were going to have a family and everyone is so excited. We had to make a quick call to my sister, who lives out of state, to share the news as well. We’ve had to answer a lot of questions from both sides of our family, but I have to say that the response has been fantastic. I didn’t expect any differently, but its great to just be able to share the news. We’ve been tight lipped for so long as we did our research and worked through the process. I have to say that it is great to have the support network that we have in our families. Our siblings have already had their families so we have a lot of experience to draw from.

  • May 7, 2008 at 4:44 am
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    Hey Guys! My partner Israel and I are from Weehawken, NJ and are going the surrogacy route as well. It’s nice to meet other gay couples, specially those living so close. Good luck and if you guys ever wanna chat just write back!!!

    NewJerseyGuys

  • May 25, 2008 at 11:24 pm
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    I’m sorry that I haven’t signed on in a while and just received your message. How far along in the process are you? We are out in LA right now and only two days past our transfer date. We are sitting with our surrogate in the hotel room right now. We’re all going a bit stir crazy and can’t help to be distracted by the hopes that we could be expecting.

    Good luck to you both. We’re in Jersey City and its great to know that there are other couples nearby going through the same thing. Write back and I will check back more often.

    Ed (& Brad)

  • April 12, 2009 at 12:57 am
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    Hi guys,

    I just thought I’d check in to see how things are going with you and your journey. I saw on your profile that you’re going with Traditional Surrogacy and are starting out in 09. We found out that we were expecting in Mid December and then learned in Mid January that it was triplets. Now, we’re 5 months along and we’re expecting identical twin girls and a little boy.

    We wish you all the best in your journey toward parenthood and warn you that there will be ups and downs as you go forward through surrogacy/pregnancy. Many warned us and while we didn’t ingore their comments, we didn’t really understand what they meant. It has been a roller coaster, but most say that’s what parenthood is all about.

    If you have any questions and would like to reach out to us, we’d be glad to share our experience and/or tap into our network to help out in any way that we can.

    All the best,

    Ed (& Brad)

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