Support Groups for Gay Fathers

I am a recently divorced father living in Columbia MD. I’ve started experiencing the anxiety of how and when to tell my 9 year old son that his father is gay.

Although I have never done anything around him or said anything to him about his parents’ reason for divorcing, he is very bright and intelligent, and its only a matter of time before he puts things together and comes to a conclusion regarding my sexuality. My fear is that he becomes “aware” of sexuality from school, peers, and society before his mother and I have the chance and/or opportunity to sit him down and discuss it with him in terms he’d understand and that are age appropriate. I also want to arm myself with options on dealing with “the talk” before his mother and/or her family do so with an obvious (and somewhat understandable) emotional spin.

Can anyone provide information on support groups for gay fathers in my local area? I’ve checked local papers, but have been unable to find anything. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

3 thoughts on “Support Groups for Gay Fathers

  • January 14, 2008 at 2:32 am

    You know your kid.

    I told both of my kids when they were 4 and 6. At that time it did not really register what it all meant. They just knew that their dad had a boy friend. Previous to this I had talks with the boys about sexuality (on their level). The question came up when were watching the news or something and a boy kissed a boy. (A man kissed a man). They asked me what happened. I told them that some boys want girlfriends and some girls want boyfriends, but that some boys like boys and some girls like girls and that is why they saw a boy kiss a boy. When I came out to them, I was able to reference that previous conversation.

    Whether I had that conversation or not, I would have still told them, on an age appropriate level. After telling them, I stayed open, and continue to stay open to any questions that they may currently have. Never under-estimate what a kid can handle. You will just have to judge for yourself in knowing your kid.

    I believe in being honest with my kids. If I am not honest with them and constantly hold things back, then I am teaching them that it is OK to be dishonest with me. I told them and they had questions, but they are happy that I told them.

    You know your kid.

  • January 13, 2008 at 2:03 pm

    If your wife and you are on good terms – discuss this issue with her prior to speaking to your son about it – you don’t want conflicting message from your wife; if she brings it up with him later on. If you are not on friendly terms with her..then I would say read up on this issue…and leave your sexuality out of it….it’s too much information for your kid to handle at this time – knowing that you just recently got divorced… not everything is about you….

  • May 28, 2008 at 5:23 am

    When my partner and his wife got divorced our kids where very young so they couldn’t understand. Now that they are getting older they know that daddy and papa love eachother and they know we are married they don’t see anything wrong with it. I think that being honest with your kids is the best policy. We have never hid anything from our kids we cuddle and kiss in front of our kids and tell them that we love them no matter what. they are our lives and they know that no matter what happens we will always be there for them to talk to… A few years ago I was dropping our son off at kindergarden and gave him a hug and a kiss and told him I loved him. He went in and told his teacher that I wasn’t his dad but his dad’s boyfriend. The teacher started laughing. Our son was really upset and when his mom picked him up from school later on that day he told her what happened. She went in and confronted the teacher. So that is why we are honest with our kids now rather than say what till they are older and try to tell them. They will more than likely be upset and it might take them a while to come to terms with it….

    Casey and Larry Wagter-Connell

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